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Thursday, April 30, 2009
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
George W Bush final report card
Successes:
Having a creativily use of vocabulation: A
Keeping the job of copy editors, comedians, and english translators recession proof (until now): A
Avoiding conducting press conferences: B
Avoiding putting his fingerprints on the veto pen: B+
Good looking twin daughters: A
Failures:
Getting the twins on the cover of Maxim: F
Living up to liberal conspiracy theories of him bring martial law to America before we could elect another president: F
Using the Oval Office as his person adulterous playground: F
Stopping natural disasters such as hurricanes, tsunamis, and "The View": F
Trampling the constitutional rights of those who have protested him since Inauguration Day 2001: F
On a more serious note:
Keeping social/non-military spending in check: D- (should be an F, but I'm throwing him a bone)
"Chunking" aside free market principles: C (some blame belongs to congress after all)
Squandering the conservative influence on public policy: C+ (again, some blame belongs to congress)
Illegal immigration: F- (it was F--- before he commuted the sentences of Ramos and Campeon)
Tax policy: A
War on terror: A
Making sure more Americans would die from terrorists attacks after 9/11: F
Overall: TBD
Thursday, January 15, 2009
At her graduation her vagina should get hooded too
Nasty Natalie on the other hand, wants to get her advanced degree in family and marriage therapy. She already has a bachelors in women's studies, which tells me exactly why she needs a masters degree since she has an undergraduate education that has prepared her to do nothing useful with her life. (on a side note, I've be studying women since puberty kicked in...where's my damn degree?)
When asked why she wanted to do this she gave an answer that frankly completely pre-qualifies her for what now passes for a modern day graduate level education
“We wanted to study the dichotomous nature between virginity and prostitution. There’s really been so few case studies of it…"
Setting aside the wonder of how such a study will be applied to an advanced degree in family and marriage THERAPY I'm actually really concerned that in her quest to make herself into a virginal prostitute paradox she wont be able to recognize that the "tear" in the space time continuum she thinks she is creating is actually just her hymen suffering from separation anxiety.
In the end this is just more proof that abstinence based sex education works....she is now a role model for girls to hold on to their virginity until the right college comes along.
Monday, December 22, 2008
Who wants to move to Ill-Annoy?
I understand Illinois's governor is a HUGE fan of Elvis and likes to do his impression. I can't wait to see his rendition of "Jail House Rock."
As breathtaking as the scandal to sell Barack Obama's senate seat is...I have a very hard time finding outrage over it. Its like raising a child you refuse to potty train, their filth inevitably gets all over the place, because they don't know its gross and you never told them otherwise (try asking a grumpy Illinoisan "who pissed in your Cheerios?"....they'll probably give you an answer).
I feel like this is just the way it is in the state of Illinois, the rules don't apply there, not one. Pronounce "Illinois"...even phonics get ostracized in that state.
This begs the question:
Did Governor Rod Blagojevich (I Googled the name, I had to) really do anything bad since he lives in a state that doesn't know the difference between right and wrong?
Look, when four of the last 8 governors get busted and/or go to prison for criminal activity, isn't it possible that you don't know any better and that you merely think the office you occupy has a reputation to uphold?
I don' t really want to get long winded on this subject...everyone knows this guy belongs in the slammer, but considering Chicago is home to Oprah, the Cubs, and deep dish pizza during an obesity epidemic, its hard to make the case that "Blago" isn't entitled to an adequate defense.
People who forgo presidential debates because everything they need to learn about the man they voted for is in a one syllable bumper sticker with a Che-esque design need to realize that their dude was born and raised in that cess pool. Unfortunately they wouldn't even know what you're talking about, because the only time they tune in to the news is when Stephen Colbert is giving it.
As breathtaking as the scandal to sell Barack Obama's senate seat is...I have a very hard time finding outrage over it. Its like raising a child you refuse to potty train, their filth inevitably gets all over the place, because they don't know its gross and you never told them otherwise (try asking a grumpy Illinoisan "who pissed in your Cheerios?"....they'll probably give you an answer).
I feel like this is just the way it is in the state of Illinois, the rules don't apply there, not one. Pronounce "Illinois"...even phonics get ostracized in that state.
This begs the question:
Did Governor Rod Blagojevich (I Googled the name, I had to) really do anything bad since he lives in a state that doesn't know the difference between right and wrong?
Look, when four of the last 8 governors get busted and/or go to prison for criminal activity, isn't it possible that you don't know any better and that you merely think the office you occupy has a reputation to uphold?
I don' t really want to get long winded on this subject...everyone knows this guy belongs in the slammer, but considering Chicago is home to Oprah, the Cubs, and deep dish pizza during an obesity epidemic, its hard to make the case that "Blago" isn't entitled to an adequate defense.
People who forgo presidential debates because everything they need to learn about the man they voted for is in a one syllable bumper sticker with a Che-esque design need to realize that their dude was born and raised in that cess pool. Unfortunately they wouldn't even know what you're talking about, because the only time they tune in to the news is when Stephen Colbert is giving it.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Google Maps + microwave oven = Global Warming
Frankly, I'm willing to give Al Gore the benefit of the doubt when he says the debate is "over." If only snowflakes could talk...the ones landing in Houston as of this writing would agree him.
After all, its not like snowflakes have brains.
After all, its not like snowflakes have brains.
Sunday, December 7, 2008
It was all a facade (pronounced fuh-kay-duh)
Anything, person, or issue that has a facade put up to hide what is really going on inside will almost always have that facade crumble because it is always harder to hide the truth than it is to reveal it.
Some examples that come to mind include: Leaders of Mega Churches who fall from grace like Ted Haggard, George W. Bush's compassionate conservatism, and Britney Spears's current tour...."Operation Effortless Rehabilitation." (with her its just a matter of time people...her crazy gene has the urge to splurge in public once again, I just know it)
Marriage has a facade as well, it starts with an "h"...if you're married and you think I'm talking about "happiness" then you're doing it wrong.
I'm not sure how much longer "heterosexuality" thinks it can "own" the institution, but its days are numbered.
Gay marriage is inevitable, its the direction our culture is moving toward and we have nobody to blame but ourselves. We owe them...just like we owe other disparate hyphenated American groups that continue to be marginalized by America's waning WASP culture. In return for taking their talents for granted they want to be an unconditionally accepted part of our society.
For example, we want illegal immigrants deported after they finish mowing our lawns, cleaning our toilets, and making our tacos (more than likely in that order) in hole in the wall restaurants on every other southern California street corner that doesn't make the final cut on the "reality" show The Hills. They have something to say about that and the clout to be heard, and this is the only reason that politicians think that keeping people who are de facto criminals in this country is at all debatable.
I would rather attend a week long symposium on whether the difference between Pepsi and Coke is more noticeable than the difference between Dr. Pepper and Mr. Pibb, at least then we are beginning to talk about something somewhat based in reality.
But I digress.
Gay people do our hair, decorate our homes, and make our clothes. They populate cooking shows on Bravo that educate us on how to spice up Pigs in a Blanket with a swath of cream cheese, and a dash of garlic salt mixed with vermouth......
Ok ok, I made that up, but the point remains that gay people think outside the box (if your mind lives in the gutter then congratulations, pun intended)
Moving along, because they don't typically have families gay people have way more disposable income than heterosexuals with families...making them a desirable market to corporations selling their wares.
And thanks to the slime ball men out there that didn't get the memo that the way to a woman's heart isn't through clubbing them and then dragging them to your cave, gay men have become the security blanket women have come to depend on when they just want go out and have a good time without wondering if the man they are with just wants to get into their pants, have a one night stand, hit it and quit it....
AKA: Preserving the sanctity of marriage.
Thats right, those who want to preserve the sanctity of this institution have no moral high ground to stand on when heterosexuals create drive-thru marriages in Vegas, and celebrities use it (and divorce) as attention whore tools for gossip mags, and make sex the new second base (assuming one is willing to even wait that long).
That said, until this issue is lead into battle by General Custer, I will side with what the definition of marriage has been, and should be, since the dawn of our time. Even after that has happened I will still argue for it. Just because something is inevitable doesn't mean you have to go along with it.
To a secular person changing the definition of marriage is a no-brainer, and I understand that to an extent. People who don't have a religious core are susceptible to accepting the gray areas of everything a lot more readily than those who live by actual moral guidelines.
I am not a secular person, I am a Christian, and while I answer to my friends about my vote in this life, I answer to someone else who is way more important than they are in the next.
My only other objection to gay marriage is from a governmental standpoint is the courts ruling by fiat that it should be allowed, which is what happened and got this big ball rolling in Massachusetts almost 5 years ago. I'm glad votes are being held, those in California that voted yes on prop 8 should celebrate while they can...because it will come back for a vote again, and it eventually will be overturned. I, for one, will accept its results.
I wish I could say the same for the other side, it seems the political left in this country is developing a nasty habit of throwing temper tantrums when election results don't go their way....other than continuing to convince me which side of the political spectrum the real adults are on what are they trying to accomplish with their post election bellyaching?
Some examples that come to mind include: Leaders of Mega Churches who fall from grace like Ted Haggard, George W. Bush's compassionate conservatism, and Britney Spears's current tour...."Operation Effortless Rehabilitation." (with her its just a matter of time people...her crazy gene has the urge to splurge in public once again, I just know it)
Marriage has a facade as well, it starts with an "h"...if you're married and you think I'm talking about "happiness" then you're doing it wrong.
I'm not sure how much longer "heterosexuality" thinks it can "own" the institution, but its days are numbered.
Gay marriage is inevitable, its the direction our culture is moving toward and we have nobody to blame but ourselves. We owe them...just like we owe other disparate hyphenated American groups that continue to be marginalized by America's waning WASP culture. In return for taking their talents for granted they want to be an unconditionally accepted part of our society.
For example, we want illegal immigrants deported after they finish mowing our lawns, cleaning our toilets, and making our tacos (more than likely in that order) in hole in the wall restaurants on every other southern California street corner that doesn't make the final cut on the "reality" show The Hills. They have something to say about that and the clout to be heard, and this is the only reason that politicians think that keeping people who are de facto criminals in this country is at all debatable.
I would rather attend a week long symposium on whether the difference between Pepsi and Coke is more noticeable than the difference between Dr. Pepper and Mr. Pibb, at least then we are beginning to talk about something somewhat based in reality.
But I digress.
Gay people do our hair, decorate our homes, and make our clothes. They populate cooking shows on Bravo that educate us on how to spice up Pigs in a Blanket with a swath of cream cheese, and a dash of garlic salt mixed with vermouth......
Ok ok, I made that up, but the point remains that gay people think outside the box (if your mind lives in the gutter then congratulations, pun intended)
Moving along, because they don't typically have families gay people have way more disposable income than heterosexuals with families...making them a desirable market to corporations selling their wares.
And thanks to the slime ball men out there that didn't get the memo that the way to a woman's heart isn't through clubbing them and then dragging them to your cave, gay men have become the security blanket women have come to depend on when they just want go out and have a good time without wondering if the man they are with just wants to get into their pants, have a one night stand, hit it and quit it....
AKA: Preserving the sanctity of marriage.
Thats right, those who want to preserve the sanctity of this institution have no moral high ground to stand on when heterosexuals create drive-thru marriages in Vegas, and celebrities use it (and divorce) as attention whore tools for gossip mags, and make sex the new second base (assuming one is willing to even wait that long).
That said, until this issue is lead into battle by General Custer, I will side with what the definition of marriage has been, and should be, since the dawn of our time. Even after that has happened I will still argue for it. Just because something is inevitable doesn't mean you have to go along with it.
To a secular person changing the definition of marriage is a no-brainer, and I understand that to an extent. People who don't have a religious core are susceptible to accepting the gray areas of everything a lot more readily than those who live by actual moral guidelines.
I am not a secular person, I am a Christian, and while I answer to my friends about my vote in this life, I answer to someone else who is way more important than they are in the next.
My only other objection to gay marriage is from a governmental standpoint is the courts ruling by fiat that it should be allowed, which is what happened and got this big ball rolling in Massachusetts almost 5 years ago. I'm glad votes are being held, those in California that voted yes on prop 8 should celebrate while they can...because it will come back for a vote again, and it eventually will be overturned. I, for one, will accept its results.
I wish I could say the same for the other side, it seems the political left in this country is developing a nasty habit of throwing temper tantrums when election results don't go their way....other than continuing to convince me which side of the political spectrum the real adults are on what are they trying to accomplish with their post election bellyaching?
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Real hope you can count on
This post election victory celebration of a MoveOn group shows their total inability to live up to their namesake.
Having been part of political organizing myself in conservative circles you can be sure that liberals don't have a monopoly on such idiocy. They simply don't have the energy to hold down that fort since they spend half the time monopolizing the mainstream media, while the other half is dedicated to denying it.
In politics everyone wants to be the smartest man in the room and the center of attention just has to be on them. As they say, politics is show business for ugly people. (You're trying to think of a good looking politician now...aren't you?)
Seriously, why do you think Sarah Palin was such an overnight hot commodity?
"I got a bookish look and you're all hot fo' teacher."
That's funny because its true people! But I digress....
Even in death Copernicus can't catch a break....politicians all over the world carry on like the universe revolves around THEM! This is why government, despite our best efforts, grows as if its a force or nature (or as Bill Clinton might say, like his "cigar" at the sight of Monica Lewinsky's misunderstood beauty) : a politician's need to feel consequential is a legislative beast that is never recognized, and its hunger can never be satisfied.
Which of course begs the question: Do politicians REALLY try to avoid scandal? Because writing laws ain't making it happen for them. Unless you're President the only things that get a politician a headline worth talking about are:
1. Scandals, and
2. Nothing else.
Thats the problem with politics...its really just one big open mic night for attention whores, and the video above is exhibits A-Z.
Once in a RARE while we get someone who rises through the ranks who is indeed fighting for something bigger than themself...the kind of person who, risks being hung for treason against the crown by taking on the most powerful empire in the world (or as MoveOn would put it: "some rich guys who didn't want to pay taxes), the kind of person who knows that a house divided cannot stand and gives his life to the cause of preventing its collapse, the kind of person who knows that their highly paid advisors are wrong when they tell them not to admonish the world to "tear down this wall."
The don't come often enough, but thank God they come at all.
The video above is a testament to the fact that it wasn't superior organization, or even better ideas (or any ideas) that got President-elect Obama elected, it was the incompetence of the Republican Party the moment George "W"ubber Stamp Bush became president....it has to be that, I refuse to believe that conservatism has become so unintelligible that it lost to the people in the video because they were smarter.
Having been part of political organizing myself in conservative circles you can be sure that liberals don't have a monopoly on such idiocy. They simply don't have the energy to hold down that fort since they spend half the time monopolizing the mainstream media, while the other half is dedicated to denying it.
In politics everyone wants to be the smartest man in the room and the center of attention just has to be on them. As they say, politics is show business for ugly people. (You're trying to think of a good looking politician now...aren't you?)
Seriously, why do you think Sarah Palin was such an overnight hot commodity?
"I got a bookish look and you're all hot fo' teacher."
That's funny because its true people! But I digress....
Even in death Copernicus can't catch a break....politicians all over the world carry on like the universe revolves around THEM! This is why government, despite our best efforts, grows as if its a force or nature (or as Bill Clinton might say, like his "cigar" at the sight of Monica Lewinsky's misunderstood beauty) : a politician's need to feel consequential is a legislative beast that is never recognized, and its hunger can never be satisfied.
Which of course begs the question: Do politicians REALLY try to avoid scandal? Because writing laws ain't making it happen for them. Unless you're President the only things that get a politician a headline worth talking about are:
1. Scandals, and
2. Nothing else.
Thats the problem with politics...its really just one big open mic night for attention whores, and the video above is exhibits A-Z.
Once in a RARE while we get someone who rises through the ranks who is indeed fighting for something bigger than themself...the kind of person who, risks being hung for treason against the crown by taking on the most powerful empire in the world (or as MoveOn would put it: "some rich guys who didn't want to pay taxes), the kind of person who knows that a house divided cannot stand and gives his life to the cause of preventing its collapse, the kind of person who knows that their highly paid advisors are wrong when they tell them not to admonish the world to "tear down this wall."
The don't come often enough, but thank God they come at all.
The video above is a testament to the fact that it wasn't superior organization, or even better ideas (or any ideas) that got President-elect Obama elected, it was the incompetence of the Republican Party the moment George "W"ubber Stamp Bush became president....it has to be that, I refuse to believe that conservatism has become so unintelligible that it lost to the people in the video because they were smarter.
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