I built my own blog (yep flexin' my web skills) so I'm not using blogger anymore....please go to www.thelookingspoon.com to check out the latest and greatest from the last 2 months and looking too the future.
You can also follow me on:
Facebook
Myspace
and Twitter
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
George W Bush final report card
Successes:
Having a creativily use of vocabulation: A
Keeping the job of copy editors, comedians, and english translators recession proof (until now): A
Avoiding conducting press conferences: B
Avoiding putting his fingerprints on the veto pen: B+
Good looking twin daughters: A
Failures:
Getting the twins on the cover of Maxim: F
Living up to liberal conspiracy theories of him bring martial law to America before we could elect another president: F
Using the Oval Office as his person adulterous playground: F
Stopping natural disasters such as hurricanes, tsunamis, and "The View": F
Trampling the constitutional rights of those who have protested him since Inauguration Day 2001: F
On a more serious note:
Keeping social/non-military spending in check: D- (should be an F, but I'm throwing him a bone)
"Chunking" aside free market principles: C (some blame belongs to congress after all)
Squandering the conservative influence on public policy: C+ (again, some blame belongs to congress)
Illegal immigration: F- (it was F--- before he commuted the sentences of Ramos and Campeon)
Tax policy: A
War on terror: A
Making sure more Americans would die from terrorists attacks after 9/11: F
Overall: TBD
Thursday, January 15, 2009
At her graduation her vagina should get hooded too
Nasty Natalie on the other hand, wants to get her advanced degree in family and marriage therapy. She already has a bachelors in women's studies, which tells me exactly why she needs a masters degree since she has an undergraduate education that has prepared her to do nothing useful with her life. (on a side note, I've be studying women since puberty kicked in...where's my damn degree?)
When asked why she wanted to do this she gave an answer that frankly completely pre-qualifies her for what now passes for a modern day graduate level education
“We wanted to study the dichotomous nature between virginity and prostitution. There’s really been so few case studies of it…"
Setting aside the wonder of how such a study will be applied to an advanced degree in family and marriage THERAPY I'm actually really concerned that in her quest to make herself into a virginal prostitute paradox she wont be able to recognize that the "tear" in the space time continuum she thinks she is creating is actually just her hymen suffering from separation anxiety.
In the end this is just more proof that abstinence based sex education works....she is now a role model for girls to hold on to their virginity until the right college comes along.
Monday, December 22, 2008
Who wants to move to Ill-Annoy?
I understand Illinois's governor is a HUGE fan of Elvis and likes to do his impression. I can't wait to see his rendition of "Jail House Rock."
As breathtaking as the scandal to sell Barack Obama's senate seat is...I have a very hard time finding outrage over it. Its like raising a child you refuse to potty train, their filth inevitably gets all over the place, because they don't know its gross and you never told them otherwise (try asking a grumpy Illinoisan "who pissed in your Cheerios?"....they'll probably give you an answer).
I feel like this is just the way it is in the state of Illinois, the rules don't apply there, not one. Pronounce "Illinois"...even phonics get ostracized in that state.
This begs the question:
Did Governor Rod Blagojevich (I Googled the name, I had to) really do anything bad since he lives in a state that doesn't know the difference between right and wrong?
Look, when four of the last 8 governors get busted and/or go to prison for criminal activity, isn't it possible that you don't know any better and that you merely think the office you occupy has a reputation to uphold?
I don' t really want to get long winded on this subject...everyone knows this guy belongs in the slammer, but considering Chicago is home to Oprah, the Cubs, and deep dish pizza during an obesity epidemic, its hard to make the case that "Blago" isn't entitled to an adequate defense.
People who forgo presidential debates because everything they need to learn about the man they voted for is in a one syllable bumper sticker with a Che-esque design need to realize that their dude was born and raised in that cess pool. Unfortunately they wouldn't even know what you're talking about, because the only time they tune in to the news is when Stephen Colbert is giving it.
As breathtaking as the scandal to sell Barack Obama's senate seat is...I have a very hard time finding outrage over it. Its like raising a child you refuse to potty train, their filth inevitably gets all over the place, because they don't know its gross and you never told them otherwise (try asking a grumpy Illinoisan "who pissed in your Cheerios?"....they'll probably give you an answer).
I feel like this is just the way it is in the state of Illinois, the rules don't apply there, not one. Pronounce "Illinois"...even phonics get ostracized in that state.
This begs the question:
Did Governor Rod Blagojevich (I Googled the name, I had to) really do anything bad since he lives in a state that doesn't know the difference between right and wrong?
Look, when four of the last 8 governors get busted and/or go to prison for criminal activity, isn't it possible that you don't know any better and that you merely think the office you occupy has a reputation to uphold?
I don' t really want to get long winded on this subject...everyone knows this guy belongs in the slammer, but considering Chicago is home to Oprah, the Cubs, and deep dish pizza during an obesity epidemic, its hard to make the case that "Blago" isn't entitled to an adequate defense.
People who forgo presidential debates because everything they need to learn about the man they voted for is in a one syllable bumper sticker with a Che-esque design need to realize that their dude was born and raised in that cess pool. Unfortunately they wouldn't even know what you're talking about, because the only time they tune in to the news is when Stephen Colbert is giving it.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Google Maps + microwave oven = Global Warming
Frankly, I'm willing to give Al Gore the benefit of the doubt when he says the debate is "over." If only snowflakes could talk...the ones landing in Houston as of this writing would agree him.
After all, its not like snowflakes have brains.
After all, its not like snowflakes have brains.
Sunday, December 7, 2008
It was all a facade (pronounced fuh-kay-duh)
Anything, person, or issue that has a facade put up to hide what is really going on inside will almost always have that facade crumble because it is always harder to hide the truth than it is to reveal it.
Some examples that come to mind include: Leaders of Mega Churches who fall from grace like Ted Haggard, George W. Bush's compassionate conservatism, and Britney Spears's current tour...."Operation Effortless Rehabilitation." (with her its just a matter of time people...her crazy gene has the urge to splurge in public once again, I just know it)
Marriage has a facade as well, it starts with an "h"...if you're married and you think I'm talking about "happiness" then you're doing it wrong.
I'm not sure how much longer "heterosexuality" thinks it can "own" the institution, but its days are numbered.
Gay marriage is inevitable, its the direction our culture is moving toward and we have nobody to blame but ourselves. We owe them...just like we owe other disparate hyphenated American groups that continue to be marginalized by America's waning WASP culture. In return for taking their talents for granted they want to be an unconditionally accepted part of our society.
For example, we want illegal immigrants deported after they finish mowing our lawns, cleaning our toilets, and making our tacos (more than likely in that order) in hole in the wall restaurants on every other southern California street corner that doesn't make the final cut on the "reality" show The Hills. They have something to say about that and the clout to be heard, and this is the only reason that politicians think that keeping people who are de facto criminals in this country is at all debatable.
I would rather attend a week long symposium on whether the difference between Pepsi and Coke is more noticeable than the difference between Dr. Pepper and Mr. Pibb, at least then we are beginning to talk about something somewhat based in reality.
But I digress.
Gay people do our hair, decorate our homes, and make our clothes. They populate cooking shows on Bravo that educate us on how to spice up Pigs in a Blanket with a swath of cream cheese, and a dash of garlic salt mixed with vermouth......
Ok ok, I made that up, but the point remains that gay people think outside the box (if your mind lives in the gutter then congratulations, pun intended)
Moving along, because they don't typically have families gay people have way more disposable income than heterosexuals with families...making them a desirable market to corporations selling their wares.
And thanks to the slime ball men out there that didn't get the memo that the way to a woman's heart isn't through clubbing them and then dragging them to your cave, gay men have become the security blanket women have come to depend on when they just want go out and have a good time without wondering if the man they are with just wants to get into their pants, have a one night stand, hit it and quit it....
AKA: Preserving the sanctity of marriage.
Thats right, those who want to preserve the sanctity of this institution have no moral high ground to stand on when heterosexuals create drive-thru marriages in Vegas, and celebrities use it (and divorce) as attention whore tools for gossip mags, and make sex the new second base (assuming one is willing to even wait that long).
That said, until this issue is lead into battle by General Custer, I will side with what the definition of marriage has been, and should be, since the dawn of our time. Even after that has happened I will still argue for it. Just because something is inevitable doesn't mean you have to go along with it.
To a secular person changing the definition of marriage is a no-brainer, and I understand that to an extent. People who don't have a religious core are susceptible to accepting the gray areas of everything a lot more readily than those who live by actual moral guidelines.
I am not a secular person, I am a Christian, and while I answer to my friends about my vote in this life, I answer to someone else who is way more important than they are in the next.
My only other objection to gay marriage is from a governmental standpoint is the courts ruling by fiat that it should be allowed, which is what happened and got this big ball rolling in Massachusetts almost 5 years ago. I'm glad votes are being held, those in California that voted yes on prop 8 should celebrate while they can...because it will come back for a vote again, and it eventually will be overturned. I, for one, will accept its results.
I wish I could say the same for the other side, it seems the political left in this country is developing a nasty habit of throwing temper tantrums when election results don't go their way....other than continuing to convince me which side of the political spectrum the real adults are on what are they trying to accomplish with their post election bellyaching?
Some examples that come to mind include: Leaders of Mega Churches who fall from grace like Ted Haggard, George W. Bush's compassionate conservatism, and Britney Spears's current tour...."Operation Effortless Rehabilitation." (with her its just a matter of time people...her crazy gene has the urge to splurge in public once again, I just know it)
Marriage has a facade as well, it starts with an "h"...if you're married and you think I'm talking about "happiness" then you're doing it wrong.
I'm not sure how much longer "heterosexuality" thinks it can "own" the institution, but its days are numbered.
Gay marriage is inevitable, its the direction our culture is moving toward and we have nobody to blame but ourselves. We owe them...just like we owe other disparate hyphenated American groups that continue to be marginalized by America's waning WASP culture. In return for taking their talents for granted they want to be an unconditionally accepted part of our society.
For example, we want illegal immigrants deported after they finish mowing our lawns, cleaning our toilets, and making our tacos (more than likely in that order) in hole in the wall restaurants on every other southern California street corner that doesn't make the final cut on the "reality" show The Hills. They have something to say about that and the clout to be heard, and this is the only reason that politicians think that keeping people who are de facto criminals in this country is at all debatable.
I would rather attend a week long symposium on whether the difference between Pepsi and Coke is more noticeable than the difference between Dr. Pepper and Mr. Pibb, at least then we are beginning to talk about something somewhat based in reality.
But I digress.
Gay people do our hair, decorate our homes, and make our clothes. They populate cooking shows on Bravo that educate us on how to spice up Pigs in a Blanket with a swath of cream cheese, and a dash of garlic salt mixed with vermouth......
Ok ok, I made that up, but the point remains that gay people think outside the box (if your mind lives in the gutter then congratulations, pun intended)
Moving along, because they don't typically have families gay people have way more disposable income than heterosexuals with families...making them a desirable market to corporations selling their wares.
And thanks to the slime ball men out there that didn't get the memo that the way to a woman's heart isn't through clubbing them and then dragging them to your cave, gay men have become the security blanket women have come to depend on when they just want go out and have a good time without wondering if the man they are with just wants to get into their pants, have a one night stand, hit it and quit it....
AKA: Preserving the sanctity of marriage.
Thats right, those who want to preserve the sanctity of this institution have no moral high ground to stand on when heterosexuals create drive-thru marriages in Vegas, and celebrities use it (and divorce) as attention whore tools for gossip mags, and make sex the new second base (assuming one is willing to even wait that long).
That said, until this issue is lead into battle by General Custer, I will side with what the definition of marriage has been, and should be, since the dawn of our time. Even after that has happened I will still argue for it. Just because something is inevitable doesn't mean you have to go along with it.
To a secular person changing the definition of marriage is a no-brainer, and I understand that to an extent. People who don't have a religious core are susceptible to accepting the gray areas of everything a lot more readily than those who live by actual moral guidelines.
I am not a secular person, I am a Christian, and while I answer to my friends about my vote in this life, I answer to someone else who is way more important than they are in the next.
My only other objection to gay marriage is from a governmental standpoint is the courts ruling by fiat that it should be allowed, which is what happened and got this big ball rolling in Massachusetts almost 5 years ago. I'm glad votes are being held, those in California that voted yes on prop 8 should celebrate while they can...because it will come back for a vote again, and it eventually will be overturned. I, for one, will accept its results.
I wish I could say the same for the other side, it seems the political left in this country is developing a nasty habit of throwing temper tantrums when election results don't go their way....other than continuing to convince me which side of the political spectrum the real adults are on what are they trying to accomplish with their post election bellyaching?
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Real hope you can count on
This post election victory celebration of a MoveOn group shows their total inability to live up to their namesake.
Having been part of political organizing myself in conservative circles you can be sure that liberals don't have a monopoly on such idiocy. They simply don't have the energy to hold down that fort since they spend half the time monopolizing the mainstream media, while the other half is dedicated to denying it.
In politics everyone wants to be the smartest man in the room and the center of attention just has to be on them. As they say, politics is show business for ugly people. (You're trying to think of a good looking politician now...aren't you?)
Seriously, why do you think Sarah Palin was such an overnight hot commodity?
"I got a bookish look and you're all hot fo' teacher."
That's funny because its true people! But I digress....
Even in death Copernicus can't catch a break....politicians all over the world carry on like the universe revolves around THEM! This is why government, despite our best efforts, grows as if its a force or nature (or as Bill Clinton might say, like his "cigar" at the sight of Monica Lewinsky's misunderstood beauty) : a politician's need to feel consequential is a legislative beast that is never recognized, and its hunger can never be satisfied.
Which of course begs the question: Do politicians REALLY try to avoid scandal? Because writing laws ain't making it happen for them. Unless you're President the only things that get a politician a headline worth talking about are:
1. Scandals, and
2. Nothing else.
Thats the problem with politics...its really just one big open mic night for attention whores, and the video above is exhibits A-Z.
Once in a RARE while we get someone who rises through the ranks who is indeed fighting for something bigger than themself...the kind of person who, risks being hung for treason against the crown by taking on the most powerful empire in the world (or as MoveOn would put it: "some rich guys who didn't want to pay taxes), the kind of person who knows that a house divided cannot stand and gives his life to the cause of preventing its collapse, the kind of person who knows that their highly paid advisors are wrong when they tell them not to admonish the world to "tear down this wall."
The don't come often enough, but thank God they come at all.
The video above is a testament to the fact that it wasn't superior organization, or even better ideas (or any ideas) that got President-elect Obama elected, it was the incompetence of the Republican Party the moment George "W"ubber Stamp Bush became president....it has to be that, I refuse to believe that conservatism has become so unintelligible that it lost to the people in the video because they were smarter.
Having been part of political organizing myself in conservative circles you can be sure that liberals don't have a monopoly on such idiocy. They simply don't have the energy to hold down that fort since they spend half the time monopolizing the mainstream media, while the other half is dedicated to denying it.
In politics everyone wants to be the smartest man in the room and the center of attention just has to be on them. As they say, politics is show business for ugly people. (You're trying to think of a good looking politician now...aren't you?)
Seriously, why do you think Sarah Palin was such an overnight hot commodity?
"I got a bookish look and you're all hot fo' teacher."
That's funny because its true people! But I digress....
Even in death Copernicus can't catch a break....politicians all over the world carry on like the universe revolves around THEM! This is why government, despite our best efforts, grows as if its a force or nature (or as Bill Clinton might say, like his "cigar" at the sight of Monica Lewinsky's misunderstood beauty) : a politician's need to feel consequential is a legislative beast that is never recognized, and its hunger can never be satisfied.
Which of course begs the question: Do politicians REALLY try to avoid scandal? Because writing laws ain't making it happen for them. Unless you're President the only things that get a politician a headline worth talking about are:
1. Scandals, and
2. Nothing else.
Thats the problem with politics...its really just one big open mic night for attention whores, and the video above is exhibits A-Z.
Once in a RARE while we get someone who rises through the ranks who is indeed fighting for something bigger than themself...the kind of person who, risks being hung for treason against the crown by taking on the most powerful empire in the world (or as MoveOn would put it: "some rich guys who didn't want to pay taxes), the kind of person who knows that a house divided cannot stand and gives his life to the cause of preventing its collapse, the kind of person who knows that their highly paid advisors are wrong when they tell them not to admonish the world to "tear down this wall."
The don't come often enough, but thank God they come at all.
The video above is a testament to the fact that it wasn't superior organization, or even better ideas (or any ideas) that got President-elect Obama elected, it was the incompetence of the Republican Party the moment George "W"ubber Stamp Bush became president....it has to be that, I refuse to believe that conservatism has become so unintelligible that it lost to the people in the video because they were smarter.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Post Post POST Election Coverage
Its been more than a couple of weeks now...so hopefully some of the "shock" that McCain can add the number 44 next to 43 on his personal "Numbers that aren't lucky for me" list has worn off.
Another good thing out of this election is I have a new favorite knock knock joke:
Knock knock
Who's there?
Guess....
Guess who?
Guess who never deserved to be president in the first place?
Come to think of it...that joke works no matter who won.
I did not vote for McCain...despite my previous proclamation that I would. After the debates, and especially after he wanted to buy up all the bad mortgages in the country (leaving me to wonder why I still lived in an apartment) I decided this man should not be the face of my preferred political philosophy. Its bad enough that "stupid, with a daddy complex" ruled the day for 8 years....it doesn't need to be amplified by 4+ years of "crazy grizzled".
I have to make it clear that I did not vote for Obama either...because Russian Roulette with 5 bullets is more fun than doing that.
I did a write in-vote, and somewhere in our great country there are several men or billions of liquid molecules who owe me a debt of gratitude for casting my vote for them.....Jack Daniels.
I'm not gong to play the boo hoo games that the left plays when they don't get their way in an election (I'm sure California Prop 8 protesters have no idea what I'm talking about)...Barack Obama will be my president, I might not like his policies, but I accept him. (and by might not I mean "most definitely will not...but I hope I'm wrong")
So the Republican Party needs get their act together. I know its hard to tell whether that stinky smell they've been ignoring is either its national leadership or the result of its head being up its ass since 2000, but they need to figure something out now, because I speak for the entire party, especially when their candidate for president in 2008 allowed Indiana to go blue and creating a celebrity sighting at Saks when Satan was purchasing a parka, when I say:
I vote for "A Choice Not an Echo."
Its ironic that the publication by the great Phyllis Schlafly that got McCain's direct Senate predecessor, Barry Goldwater, the nomination for president in 1964, is the same sentiment that cost him the presidency in 2008.
The Republican establishment needs to figure out that there is a place in the party for more liberal minded members....its a broom closet in the RNC basement with a sign over the door that reads:
Democrats in Denial
Another good thing out of this election is I have a new favorite knock knock joke:
Knock knock
Who's there?
Guess....
Guess who?
Guess who never deserved to be president in the first place?
Come to think of it...that joke works no matter who won.
I did not vote for McCain...despite my previous proclamation that I would. After the debates, and especially after he wanted to buy up all the bad mortgages in the country (leaving me to wonder why I still lived in an apartment) I decided this man should not be the face of my preferred political philosophy. Its bad enough that "stupid, with a daddy complex" ruled the day for 8 years....it doesn't need to be amplified by 4+ years of "crazy grizzled".
I have to make it clear that I did not vote for Obama either...because Russian Roulette with 5 bullets is more fun than doing that.
I did a write in-vote, and somewhere in our great country there are several men or billions of liquid molecules who owe me a debt of gratitude for casting my vote for them.....Jack Daniels.
I'm not gong to play the boo hoo games that the left plays when they don't get their way in an election (I'm sure California Prop 8 protesters have no idea what I'm talking about)...Barack Obama will be my president, I might not like his policies, but I accept him. (and by might not I mean "most definitely will not...but I hope I'm wrong")
So the Republican Party needs get their act together. I know its hard to tell whether that stinky smell they've been ignoring is either its national leadership or the result of its head being up its ass since 2000, but they need to figure something out now, because I speak for the entire party, especially when their candidate for president in 2008 allowed Indiana to go blue and creating a celebrity sighting at Saks when Satan was purchasing a parka, when I say:
I vote for "A Choice Not an Echo."
Its ironic that the publication by the great Phyllis Schlafly that got McCain's direct Senate predecessor, Barry Goldwater, the nomination for president in 1964, is the same sentiment that cost him the presidency in 2008.
The Republican establishment needs to figure out that there is a place in the party for more liberal minded members....its a broom closet in the RNC basement with a sign over the door that reads:
Democrats in Denial
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Of course they screwed up the economy, they can't keep their own house in order
The Republican Party knew for 8 years that they were going to have a formidable juggernaut personality to run against in 2008 in the form of Hillary Clinton. The name alone was going to make for one the toughest fights they've had in a generation.
That's not even factoring in having to put up with her laugh. I'm convinced the economy would be much more stable right now if she were the nominee as ear plug futures would've offset the current crash we are experiencing.
Over the last 8 years the frothing at the mouth to have Hillary elected was so bad Old Yeller was debating whether WE should be put down....and this was a woman whose likability ranged somewhere between cold (or warm....or hot) Starbucks coffee and salt-drowned, open-faced, cold sore blisters (or was it the other way around?).
Then, along came Barack Obama. For 4 years he has proven he has every credential Hillary has, except for the un-likability merit badge. He spoke, people were mesmerized, and nobody ever knew why.
And by nobody ever knew why, I mean, nobody KNOWS why.
To be fair, I know why now.
The Republican Party, for the first time since Ronald Reagan was on the political scene, took decisive actions to stave of the election of leftism in the Democratic Party threatening to take over this country:
1. They ballooned the size of government faster than Lyndon Johnson
2. While I am not against the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, they allowed problems to mount just long enough for it to cost them congress for the next forseeable generation, and start the first credit crunch of our current crisis for the Republican Party on the issue of national security.
3. Screwing up the PR for the war on terrorism not being enough, the Republicans instituted Operation Junk Bond Credibility Status by fighting tooth and nail to give amnesty to illegal immigrants, which caused them to default on their National Securities loans because they were dead set on making sure that the country they sent our troops to fight for would not be the same country they would come home to.
Then Sarah Palin said, "oh yeah, THAT Bush Doctrine."
Tangent:
Incidentally illegal immigration has dropped tremendously thanks to our current economic crisis. It turns out the second October surprise (for the first one see the blog posted on October 1st) is that government's actual plan to curb illegal immigration was bankrupting the country, because enforcement of immigration law was just too expensive.
End Tangent
George W. Bush threw the conservative scarf around his neck 4 years ago and rubes like me cheered him on when he was actually liberal in just about everything but foreign policy and the proper pronunciation of "nuclear." In the hopes that they would steal Democratic voters the Republican Party became Democrat Lite.
The only thing they were actually light on was intelligence. If you give a liberal the choice of a liberal or a semi-liberal they will pick the liberal.....EVERY TIME.
Meanwhile they forget that Ronald Reagan won when he was unapologetic in espousing conservative virtues...he won.....EVERY TIME.
Because Bush is a Republican, we have people who got rich off of red-blooded conservatism like Sean Hannity and Rush Limbaugh, who STILL cheer for him and McCain.....and now we have for the first time someone who is beyond liberal in Barack Obama who looks like a viable alternative to a conservative brand that is a shadow of what Ronald Reagan left behind.
Barack Obama is a socialist in the best light, and in all likelihood a flat out leftist, and George W. Bush, coupled with Republicans who thought McCain was more "electable" in the primaries are now serving this man up as our next president.
I can't totally blame guys like Rush...its hard to remember where you came from, or where you're going, when you're constantly "amid billowing clouds of fragrant and aromatic first, second, and sometimes third hand premium cigar smoke."
And its hard for Hannity to hear what real conservative politicians are saying over shouts of who the greater American is competing with the sizzle of a $200 Ruths Cris steak dinner.
Oh yeah, and they're all FAT GREEDY JERKS........but I'm not mad.
That's not even factoring in having to put up with her laugh. I'm convinced the economy would be much more stable right now if she were the nominee as ear plug futures would've offset the current crash we are experiencing.
Over the last 8 years the frothing at the mouth to have Hillary elected was so bad Old Yeller was debating whether WE should be put down....and this was a woman whose likability ranged somewhere between cold (or warm....or hot) Starbucks coffee and salt-drowned, open-faced, cold sore blisters (or was it the other way around?).
Then, along came Barack Obama. For 4 years he has proven he has every credential Hillary has, except for the un-likability merit badge. He spoke, people were mesmerized, and nobody ever knew why.
And by nobody ever knew why, I mean, nobody KNOWS why.
To be fair, I know why now.
The Republican Party, for the first time since Ronald Reagan was on the political scene, took decisive actions to stave of the election of leftism in the Democratic Party threatening to take over this country:
1. They ballooned the size of government faster than Lyndon Johnson
2. While I am not against the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, they allowed problems to mount just long enough for it to cost them congress for the next forseeable generation, and start the first credit crunch of our current crisis for the Republican Party on the issue of national security.
3. Screwing up the PR for the war on terrorism not being enough, the Republicans instituted Operation Junk Bond Credibility Status by fighting tooth and nail to give amnesty to illegal immigrants, which caused them to default on their National Securities loans because they were dead set on making sure that the country they sent our troops to fight for would not be the same country they would come home to.
Then Sarah Palin said, "oh yeah, THAT Bush Doctrine."
Tangent:
Incidentally illegal immigration has dropped tremendously thanks to our current economic crisis. It turns out the second October surprise (for the first one see the blog posted on October 1st) is that government's actual plan to curb illegal immigration was bankrupting the country, because enforcement of immigration law was just too expensive.
End Tangent
George W. Bush threw the conservative scarf around his neck 4 years ago and rubes like me cheered him on when he was actually liberal in just about everything but foreign policy and the proper pronunciation of "nuclear." In the hopes that they would steal Democratic voters the Republican Party became Democrat Lite.
The only thing they were actually light on was intelligence. If you give a liberal the choice of a liberal or a semi-liberal they will pick the liberal.....EVERY TIME.
Meanwhile they forget that Ronald Reagan won when he was unapologetic in espousing conservative virtues...he won.....EVERY TIME.
Because Bush is a Republican, we have people who got rich off of red-blooded conservatism like Sean Hannity and Rush Limbaugh, who STILL cheer for him and McCain.....and now we have for the first time someone who is beyond liberal in Barack Obama who looks like a viable alternative to a conservative brand that is a shadow of what Ronald Reagan left behind.
Barack Obama is a socialist in the best light, and in all likelihood a flat out leftist, and George W. Bush, coupled with Republicans who thought McCain was more "electable" in the primaries are now serving this man up as our next president.
I can't totally blame guys like Rush...its hard to remember where you came from, or where you're going, when you're constantly "amid billowing clouds of fragrant and aromatic first, second, and sometimes third hand premium cigar smoke."
And its hard for Hannity to hear what real conservative politicians are saying over shouts of who the greater American is competing with the sizzle of a $200 Ruths Cris steak dinner.
Oh yeah, and they're all FAT GREEDY JERKS........but I'm not mad.
Thursday, October 9, 2008
De bate was taken for 8 years...and counting
Lately there are things in life that disappoint me supremely:
1. Corporate greed (note, NOT free market capitalism)
2. Republicanism (note, NOT conservatism)
3. My continued insistence to hold out on my stock in Enron (Hello? Can somebody say collectors item?)
4. Leftist prevailing in the court of public opinion because Republicanism has been running around in conservatism's clothing for the last 8 years.
and finally...
5. Banana flavored anything (I swear my stock in Enron is more valuable than a banana Now and Later, which gets its name because I'll throw it in the trash can NOW, and LATER on I can take it out and eat it after the garbage masks its disgusting taste.)
Paradoxically, the one thing that does not disappoint me at all is how much I misoverestimated John McCain's ability to debate the issues. The first debate was supposed to belong to him because it was on foreign policy, this last one was supposed to go to him because it plays to his strength in speaking at a town hall setting.
Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice McShame on me.
Or to quote a Republican who is only conservative in conserving conservatism...uh, uh.....uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.............ya ain't never gonna fool me agin'. he he he
Listening to McCain you would think that George W. Bush is Barack Obama behind a teleprompter.
Last Tuesday's debate revealed one of three things...either it showed that:
1. McCain is totally ignorant on economic issues
2. He is indeed to old and tired to be president
3. His speech and debate coach is Dora the Explorer.
I'll give credit where credit is due, if foreign policy were the absolute only thing a president deals with then we wouldn't even need to hold an election, but John McCain's understanding of what is going on with the economy right now shows not that he is ignorant of the issue...but that he is totally uncoachable in articulating it.....thus he is incapable of actually understanding it.
He narrowed it down to "stabilizing house prices." Therefore we have to buy up ALL the bad mortgages in America and "renegotiate" them. How on God's greenish brown (and decreasingly snowcapped) Earth does THAT address the fiscal AND economic crisis we face?
At this point I'm sure people are wondering why I bill myself as a conservative and yet all this blog has done is bash a sitting Republican president, and the current Republican nominee for president.
I do it precisely for what they actually are in the conservative movement...Republicant's.
I am NOT a good little solider like Sean Hannity and Rush Limbaugh....singing the praises of a man whose politics I have publicly detested since ALWAYS solely because he doesn't carry a "D" at the end of Democratic Party Press Releases....aka the Associated Press reports....does NOTHING to advance the cause of conservatism.
I don't know what's harder to swallow:
1. That one letter is going to separate the name of our next president and our country's mortal enemy. (and that ZERO letter separate his middle name with that of its OTHER mortal enemy)
2. That the obviously superior philosophy of conservatism has utterly failed to come across as such for the last 8 years.
3. A banana flavored Now and Later
Hint: This won't at all give it away but.....One of these I'm being deathly serious about, and it comes in yellow wrapping....and its a RINO (ReallyGrossCandyAssBananaRepublicans In Name Only).
1. Corporate greed (note, NOT free market capitalism)
2. Republicanism (note, NOT conservatism)
3. My continued insistence to hold out on my stock in Enron (Hello? Can somebody say collectors item?)
4. Leftist prevailing in the court of public opinion because Republicanism has been running around in conservatism's clothing for the last 8 years.
and finally...
5. Banana flavored anything (I swear my stock in Enron is more valuable than a banana Now and Later, which gets its name because I'll throw it in the trash can NOW, and LATER on I can take it out and eat it after the garbage masks its disgusting taste.)
Paradoxically, the one thing that does not disappoint me at all is how much I misoverestimated John McCain's ability to debate the issues. The first debate was supposed to belong to him because it was on foreign policy, this last one was supposed to go to him because it plays to his strength in speaking at a town hall setting.
Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice McShame on me.
Or to quote a Republican who is only conservative in conserving conservatism...uh, uh.....uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.............ya ain't never gonna fool me agin'. he he he
Listening to McCain you would think that George W. Bush is Barack Obama behind a teleprompter.
Last Tuesday's debate revealed one of three things...either it showed that:
1. McCain is totally ignorant on economic issues
2. He is indeed to old and tired to be president
3. His speech and debate coach is Dora the Explorer.
I'll give credit where credit is due, if foreign policy were the absolute only thing a president deals with then we wouldn't even need to hold an election, but John McCain's understanding of what is going on with the economy right now shows not that he is ignorant of the issue...but that he is totally uncoachable in articulating it.....thus he is incapable of actually understanding it.
He narrowed it down to "stabilizing house prices." Therefore we have to buy up ALL the bad mortgages in America and "renegotiate" them. How on God's greenish brown (and decreasingly snowcapped) Earth does THAT address the fiscal AND economic crisis we face?
At this point I'm sure people are wondering why I bill myself as a conservative and yet all this blog has done is bash a sitting Republican president, and the current Republican nominee for president.
I do it precisely for what they actually are in the conservative movement...Republicant's.
I am NOT a good little solider like Sean Hannity and Rush Limbaugh....singing the praises of a man whose politics I have publicly detested since ALWAYS solely because he doesn't carry a "D" at the end of Democratic Party Press Releases....aka the Associated Press reports....does NOTHING to advance the cause of conservatism.
I don't know what's harder to swallow:
1. That one letter is going to separate the name of our next president and our country's mortal enemy. (and that ZERO letter separate his middle name with that of its OTHER mortal enemy)
2. That the obviously superior philosophy of conservatism has utterly failed to come across as such for the last 8 years.
3. A banana flavored Now and Later
Hint: This won't at all give it away but.....One of these I'm being deathly serious about, and it comes in yellow wrapping....and its a RINO (ReallyGrossCandyAssBananaRepublicans In Name Only).
Friday, October 3, 2008
The funny thing about October Surprise predictions...
Its not really a surprise if the predictions turn out to be correct. (see last blog)
Congrats Governor Palin...you slipped your stutter box in Katie Couric's pocket...where it is in good company with her ratings...and you zippitydoda'd straight to victory against a man who must've downed a quart of verbal Pepto Bismol tonight.
Congrats Governor Palin...you slipped your stutter box in Katie Couric's pocket...where it is in good company with her ratings...and you zippitydoda'd straight to victory against a man who must've downed a quart of verbal Pepto Bismol tonight.
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
In '08 you cant spell October Surprise without the letters V and P
Every time we get to October in the election cycle we hear rampant speculation there will be an "October Surprise." This year I think the October Surprise will be that there actually is one.
We get promised one every election year...but we never actually get it. Surprises are supposed to be exciting, but every October during election season I'm left disappointed every time....times 31.
Remember when we were kids and grandma and grandpa would visit, they always say "I've got a surprise for you" and then during their visit you endure cheek pinches, Metamucil milkshakes, and the smell of old (aww thats mean...don't you dare act like old isn't a smell) for hours, sometimes days if they want to make the trip from Florida worth it....and then they leave....like they don't remember saying it?
No, that never happens. You get that surprise, because grandparents are awesome, even though the surprise is just finding out what kind of sweater you get: V-neck or button up.
Or how about when your priest is baby sitting and he says "I've got a surprise for you" and you're like "gee I hope its an October Surprise!"
No, it never happens.
This time there is rampant speculation that Joseph "Gaffe-o-Rama" Biden will be dropped from the ticket so Hillary can come on and save the day from Obama's recent surge in the polls.
Yes Biden puts the "ass" in "gaffe" (you have to hold your tongue while saying "ass"...............you just tried it didn't you?) but that is not going to get Obama, or even himself, into any trouble.
"When the stock market crashed, Franklin D. Roosevelt got on the television and didn't just talk about the, you know, the princes of greed. He said, 'Look, here's what happened.' " FDR wasn't president then and television came along about a decade later.
Biden actually said this...and liberals STILL snicker about Dan Quayle and compare Sarah Palin to him.
At least P-O-T-A-T-O-E was in the ballpark of being factually correct.
Biden's departure is not going to be the October Surprise...
I think if any such surprise is going to happen its going to be Sarah Palin holding her own in her debate against Biden. Based on the interviews I've seen she's flubbed up worse than Paris Hilton's answer to an ice cube being rubbed on her nipple:
"Oooooh thats hot"
Maybe her screwing up interviews is some kind of rope-a-dope to trick Biden into thinking he's entering a cake walk...or maybe I'm not cynical enough. Whatever the case may be the GOP ticket needs to step it up in the debates if they want to turn the rising tide against them, because last week should have been a knock out punch against Obama on foreign policy and McCain acted like he was distracted because he wasn't sure if he remembered to TIVO Matlock or not.
Oh no another "McCain is old" joke.
Its ok....like black comedians who spew the N-word I can say that about McCain because I'm going to vote for him. After a vetting process that is slightly more comprehensive than the one that selected Biden and Palin I finally found the nose plug I'm going to use in the voting booth.
THE CONSERVATIVE FACE SPITER - model # 2008
We get promised one every election year...but we never actually get it. Surprises are supposed to be exciting, but every October during election season I'm left disappointed every time....times 31.
Remember when we were kids and grandma and grandpa would visit, they always say "I've got a surprise for you" and then during their visit you endure cheek pinches, Metamucil milkshakes, and the smell of old (aww thats mean...don't you dare act like old isn't a smell) for hours, sometimes days if they want to make the trip from Florida worth it....and then they leave....like they don't remember saying it?
No, that never happens. You get that surprise, because grandparents are awesome, even though the surprise is just finding out what kind of sweater you get: V-neck or button up.
Or how about when your priest is baby sitting and he says "I've got a surprise for you" and you're like "gee I hope its an October Surprise!"
No, it never happens.
This time there is rampant speculation that Joseph "Gaffe-o-Rama" Biden will be dropped from the ticket so Hillary can come on and save the day from Obama's recent surge in the polls.
Yes Biden puts the "ass" in "gaffe" (you have to hold your tongue while saying "ass"...............you just tried it didn't you?) but that is not going to get Obama, or even himself, into any trouble.
"When the stock market crashed, Franklin D. Roosevelt got on the television and didn't just talk about the, you know, the princes of greed. He said, 'Look, here's what happened.' " FDR wasn't president then and television came along about a decade later.
Biden actually said this...and liberals STILL snicker about Dan Quayle and compare Sarah Palin to him.
At least P-O-T-A-T-O-E was in the ballpark of being factually correct.
Biden's departure is not going to be the October Surprise...
I think if any such surprise is going to happen its going to be Sarah Palin holding her own in her debate against Biden. Based on the interviews I've seen she's flubbed up worse than Paris Hilton's answer to an ice cube being rubbed on her nipple:
"Oooooh thats hot"
Maybe her screwing up interviews is some kind of rope-a-dope to trick Biden into thinking he's entering a cake walk...or maybe I'm not cynical enough. Whatever the case may be the GOP ticket needs to step it up in the debates if they want to turn the rising tide against them, because last week should have been a knock out punch against Obama on foreign policy and McCain acted like he was distracted because he wasn't sure if he remembered to TIVO Matlock or not.
Oh no another "McCain is old" joke.
Its ok....like black comedians who spew the N-word I can say that about McCain because I'm going to vote for him. After a vetting process that is slightly more comprehensive than the one that selected Biden and Palin I finally found the nose plug I'm going to use in the voting booth.
THE CONSERVATIVE FACE SPITER - model # 2008
Monday, September 22, 2008
Its only money folks...they print it every day
Oh I know we just met but come on baby you know I love you, and people who love each other SHOW it...NO NO NO NO NO baby it wont feel good if we use protection! OF COURSE I'M CLEAN! I get tested all the time...when was the last time I was tested? Right now...you're testing my patience...so are we gonna do this or what?
(cue romantic music)
Oh yeah, good...gooooooood-don't look at me...I SAID DON'T LOOK AT ME...Yes I'll call you tomorrow I said I LOOOOOVE you didn't I? NOW (smack!) DON'T LOOK AT ME!
Pop Quiz:
The passage above came from which of the following?
A. The practices of U.S. financial institutions over the last decade and possibly longer.
B. The back of an El Camino being driven by a 15 year old virgin named "Home Buyer," aka Homie who stole it from his older brother, "Sub Prime Mortgage"..."Mort" for short, so he could finally get some from his girlfriend of six hours, Paris "its my first time being bought by a man" Hilton.
Mort catches up to Homie and gives him whooping of a lifetime. Homie goes home bruised, lied to, and in 9 months he'll have a baby he can't afford....but at least he got some!
C. Al Gore on a date with Mother Nature
D. All of the Above
In 2004, citing 68 percent of Americans "owning" their own home, President Bush said:
"Thanks to being the most productive workforce in America, and I might say, thanks to good policies, this economy is strong and it's getting stronger….Home sales were the highest ever recently. That's exciting news for the country."
Translation: If Wall Street is a rockin'....heh heh...don't come 'a knockin'....heh...Laura told me not to say that, thats why she ain't the Prez.
Bush failed to mention that construction companies were building those homes with playing cards. If I wanted to be fair I could recognize he probably didn't know that.....the realities of illegal immigration eluded the man, and he's from a border state....so except for his own spotty record as a businessman, I don't expect him to understand the nuance of our financial institutions.
Not that Democrats will be able to solve this problem. Many, if not most of the leaders of The Lawyers Party, aka the Democratic Party have little to no real world business experience themselves.
So do we want bad experience? Or no experience?
I guess my answer would be: You can't learn from your mistakes if you've never taken the chance to make any.
Then again who knows, this 700 BILLION dollar bailout brain child the administration has cooked up probably wont teach anyone a lesson....but it should.
What I love about this crisis is that Democrats want to deliberate on the plan before voting for it. Which is hilarious considering in 2004 they couldn't stop the looping of film during Farenheit 911 when Bush didn't react in a classroom full of children to the news of the 9/11 attacks for seven minutes.
I'm not criticizing their prudence, I'm just pointing out their hypocrisy.
SERIOUS TIME.....I could keep going about who is to blame for all this, and what the solution could/should be....but the truth is everyone in government and in the industries that caused the trouble share the blame....to a degree we've been through this before....except for the almost 1 trillion dollar bailout...and the government control under the Republican president that it comes with.
Conservatives hem and haw...but in reality...they are holding their breath like the rest of America, because they DON'T KNOW what should be done....and they are hoping like hell this works....and million thoughts must be running through their minds as to what to do if it doesn't.
(cue romantic music)
Oh yeah, good...gooooooood-don't look at me...I SAID DON'T LOOK AT ME...Yes I'll call you tomorrow I said I LOOOOOVE you didn't I? NOW (smack!) DON'T LOOK AT ME!
Pop Quiz:
The passage above came from which of the following?
A. The practices of U.S. financial institutions over the last decade and possibly longer.
B. The back of an El Camino being driven by a 15 year old virgin named "Home Buyer," aka Homie who stole it from his older brother, "Sub Prime Mortgage"..."Mort" for short, so he could finally get some from his girlfriend of six hours, Paris "its my first time being bought by a man" Hilton.
Mort catches up to Homie and gives him whooping of a lifetime. Homie goes home bruised, lied to, and in 9 months he'll have a baby he can't afford....but at least he got some!
C. Al Gore on a date with Mother Nature
D. All of the Above
In 2004, citing 68 percent of Americans "owning" their own home, President Bush said:
"Thanks to being the most productive workforce in America, and I might say, thanks to good policies, this economy is strong and it's getting stronger….Home sales were the highest ever recently. That's exciting news for the country."
Translation: If Wall Street is a rockin'....heh heh...don't come 'a knockin'....heh...Laura told me not to say that, thats why she ain't the Prez.
Bush failed to mention that construction companies were building those homes with playing cards. If I wanted to be fair I could recognize he probably didn't know that.....the realities of illegal immigration eluded the man, and he's from a border state....so except for his own spotty record as a businessman, I don't expect him to understand the nuance of our financial institutions.
Not that Democrats will be able to solve this problem. Many, if not most of the leaders of The Lawyers Party, aka the Democratic Party have little to no real world business experience themselves.
So do we want bad experience? Or no experience?
I guess my answer would be: You can't learn from your mistakes if you've never taken the chance to make any.
Then again who knows, this 700 BILLION dollar bailout brain child the administration has cooked up probably wont teach anyone a lesson....but it should.
What I love about this crisis is that Democrats want to deliberate on the plan before voting for it. Which is hilarious considering in 2004 they couldn't stop the looping of film during Farenheit 911 when Bush didn't react in a classroom full of children to the news of the 9/11 attacks for seven minutes.
I'm not criticizing their prudence, I'm just pointing out their hypocrisy.
SERIOUS TIME.....I could keep going about who is to blame for all this, and what the solution could/should be....but the truth is everyone in government and in the industries that caused the trouble share the blame....to a degree we've been through this before....except for the almost 1 trillion dollar bailout...and the government control under the Republican president that it comes with.
Conservatives hem and haw...but in reality...they are holding their breath like the rest of America, because they DON'T KNOW what should be done....and they are hoping like hell this works....and million thoughts must be running through their minds as to what to do if it doesn't.
Friday, September 19, 2008
I know, I know...Randi Rhodes was SO last year
Oh man this is so old, but I just uncovered it and I have to comment...
Randi Rhodes, aka Ann Coulter if she was liberal, unfunny, and pretty much clinically brain dead, in 2007 was erroneously claimed to have been injured while being mugged in NYC.
Below is an account of her injuries:
Rumors are circulating that this picture is not real, but Photoshoped....people close to Rhodes say the brain has been color corrected and the smile was "warped to look "fresher" and "prettier" than normal.
While this report was apparently not of her doing Air America wasted no time in rationally explaining what happened:
Fellow host Jon Elliott said on the liberal network that Rhodes was attacked at 39th St. and Park Ave. on Sunday night while walking her dog, Simon.
Elliott, who said Rhodes lost several teeth in the attack, waxed about a possible conspiracy.
"Is this an attempt by the right-wing hate machine to silence one of our own?" he asked on the air, according to the Talking Radio blog. "Are we threatening them?"
A police source said Rhodes never filed a report and never claimed to be the victim of a mugging.
Conservatives are not threatened by Randi Rhodes....or anyone at Air America, when the network launched a few years ago conservative talk radio welcomed it. They also knew it would fail, and it has...and its because of second string intellectual bench warmers like Jon Elliot and talk radio second bananas like Rhodes saying garbage like:
"This President is never gonna do the right thing. I think somewhere deep down inside him he takes a lot of joy about losing people, if he thinks they vote Democrat or if he thinks they're poor, or if he thinks they're in a blue state, whatever his reasons are not to rescue those people."
"Of course he (McCain) became very friendly with the Vietnamese. They called him the Prince. He was well treated actually."
"A spoiled child (Bush) is telling us our Social Security isn't safe anymore, so he is going to fix it for us. Well, here's your answer, you ungrateful whelp: [audio sound of 4 gunshots being fired.] Just try it, you little b*stard. [audio of gun being cocked]."
Oh, here is my favorite...
"Geraldine Ferraro turned out to be David Duke in drag ... What a whore Geraldine Ferraro is! She's such a fucking whore! I wanna see her have to stand beside her husband at one of those mandatory 'I have sinned against you; I'm a whore' kind of a press conference. Mr. Ferraro should have to stand next to his whore of a wife ... Hillary is a big fucking whore, too. You know why she's a big fucking whore? Because her deal is always, 'Read the fine print, asshole!'" (sic......and sick)
The last time I saw mouth diarrhea like that Linda Blair was the spokesmodel for Pepto Bismol: The Green Edition on the set of the Exorcist.
This is why I wanted to write about this, its a pattern of behavior with Rhodes personally and Air America as a whole, they just say anything....ANYTHING. They are the voice of liberalism, or the progressive movement (what the progress is supposed to be remains debateable) in America, and I've heard more adult conversation come out of a junior high school locker room.
Many don't know about Randi Rhodes, partly because nobody listens to her show, mostly because nobody WANTS to listen to her show. I originally stumbled upon her show years ago in an effort to "open" my mind....which is half of the battle to listening to liberal talk radio.
Nothing has solidified my convictions more than liberal talk radio (after posting the above quotes in bold I'm sorry to be hyperbolic in attributing the word "talk" to liberal radio, but its for a lack of a better term).
I've heard liberals like Montel Williams say the same thing about how conservative shows (in William's case he was talking about The O'Reilly Factor....judges.....we'll accept that answer) make them better understand their opinions...which is a flat out lie.
If it were true they would become conservatives.
Randi Rhodes, aka Ann Coulter if she was liberal, unfunny, and pretty much clinically brain dead, in 2007 was erroneously claimed to have been injured while being mugged in NYC.
Below is an account of her injuries:
Rumors are circulating that this picture is not real, but Photoshoped....people close to Rhodes say the brain has been color corrected and the smile was "warped to look "fresher" and "prettier" than normal.
While this report was apparently not of her doing Air America wasted no time in rationally explaining what happened:
Fellow host Jon Elliott said on the liberal network that Rhodes was attacked at 39th St. and Park Ave. on Sunday night while walking her dog, Simon.
Elliott, who said Rhodes lost several teeth in the attack, waxed about a possible conspiracy.
"Is this an attempt by the right-wing hate machine to silence one of our own?" he asked on the air, according to the Talking Radio blog. "Are we threatening them?"
A police source said Rhodes never filed a report and never claimed to be the victim of a mugging.
Conservatives are not threatened by Randi Rhodes....or anyone at Air America, when the network launched a few years ago conservative talk radio welcomed it. They also knew it would fail, and it has...and its because of second string intellectual bench warmers like Jon Elliot and talk radio second bananas like Rhodes saying garbage like:
"This President is never gonna do the right thing. I think somewhere deep down inside him he takes a lot of joy about losing people, if he thinks they vote Democrat or if he thinks they're poor, or if he thinks they're in a blue state, whatever his reasons are not to rescue those people."
"Of course he (McCain) became very friendly with the Vietnamese. They called him the Prince. He was well treated actually."
"A spoiled child (Bush) is telling us our Social Security isn't safe anymore, so he is going to fix it for us. Well, here's your answer, you ungrateful whelp: [audio sound of 4 gunshots being fired.] Just try it, you little b*stard. [audio of gun being cocked]."
Oh, here is my favorite...
"Geraldine Ferraro turned out to be David Duke in drag ... What a whore Geraldine Ferraro is! She's such a fucking whore! I wanna see her have to stand beside her husband at one of those mandatory 'I have sinned against you; I'm a whore' kind of a press conference. Mr. Ferraro should have to stand next to his whore of a wife ... Hillary is a big fucking whore, too. You know why she's a big fucking whore? Because her deal is always, 'Read the fine print, asshole!'" (sic......and sick)
The last time I saw mouth diarrhea like that Linda Blair was the spokesmodel for Pepto Bismol: The Green Edition on the set of the Exorcist.
This is why I wanted to write about this, its a pattern of behavior with Rhodes personally and Air America as a whole, they just say anything....ANYTHING. They are the voice of liberalism, or the progressive movement (what the progress is supposed to be remains debateable) in America, and I've heard more adult conversation come out of a junior high school locker room.
Many don't know about Randi Rhodes, partly because nobody listens to her show, mostly because nobody WANTS to listen to her show. I originally stumbled upon her show years ago in an effort to "open" my mind....which is half of the battle to listening to liberal talk radio.
Nothing has solidified my convictions more than liberal talk radio (after posting the above quotes in bold I'm sorry to be hyperbolic in attributing the word "talk" to liberal radio, but its for a lack of a better term).
I've heard liberals like Montel Williams say the same thing about how conservative shows (in William's case he was talking about The O'Reilly Factor....judges.....we'll accept that answer) make them better understand their opinions...which is a flat out lie.
If it were true they would become conservatives.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
It took four years...but now I know that Trey Parker and Matt Stone are big Matt Damon softies
I need to know if she (Sarah Palin) really thinks dinosaurs were here 4000 years ago. That's an important — I want to know that, I really do, because she's going to have the nuclear codes. You know, I want to know if she thinks dinosaurs were here 4000 years ago... we can't, we can't have that.
I always thought the South Park guys were being SO MEAN when the only words that came out of Matt Damon's character in the movie "Team America" was his name in the "accent"....if you will....of a mentally retarded person.
I fully realize that such a statement will totally offend people who are, or know somebody who is, mentally retarded....and they should be offended....I just compared them to Matt Damon.
I apologize.
Now I realize they were trying to make him look smarter than he really is. Its almost as if that movie were a crystal ball, and "Team America" is the mainstream media and Matt Damon is Barack Obama. They were (sniff) protecting him.
Before I get further into why Matt Damon deserved an Oscar for what I now consider to be the performance of a lifetime in "Good Will Hunting." I want to say that it is no shock that he has objections to Republicans....he's liberal, he's an actor, and he's from Massachusetts.
The last time I saw such perfect DNA for a conservative bashing thespian, Ted Kennedy was rehearsing his lines for the "Alibi Monologues" on July 19, 1969. Fortunately for the understudy of the leading lady that role was wide open.
What political issue concerning us today makes "knowing if dinosaurs existed 4000 years ago" so damn important? What aspect of tax policy does creationism affect? What about foreign policy? Or monetary policy? Or even issues that are of concern to Christian conservatives, like abortion, or "under God" in the pledge?
I think I could begin to try to understand if the statement was "I need to know if she has Parkinson's disease because her finger is going to be near the big red button."
But creationism?
I know it sounds like this post is very hostile and uncaring about the plight of the disabled...I want to assure you that I personally am neither. Indeed, I hope our next vice president makes good on her promise to be a champion for special needs children (any guesses on who I'm supporting for president? Believe me, until August 29th it wasn't a forgone conclusion).
A point is trying to be made here, and I'm just saying that based on that interview it appears Matt Damon can't make one unless he's spiking his hair with Ben Stiller's hair gel.
Hey, I'm not the one who coined There's Something About Barry.
I always thought the South Park guys were being SO MEAN when the only words that came out of Matt Damon's character in the movie "Team America" was his name in the "accent"....if you will....of a mentally retarded person.
I fully realize that such a statement will totally offend people who are, or know somebody who is, mentally retarded....and they should be offended....I just compared them to Matt Damon.
I apologize.
Now I realize they were trying to make him look smarter than he really is. Its almost as if that movie were a crystal ball, and "Team America" is the mainstream media and Matt Damon is Barack Obama. They were (sniff) protecting him.
Before I get further into why Matt Damon deserved an Oscar for what I now consider to be the performance of a lifetime in "Good Will Hunting." I want to say that it is no shock that he has objections to Republicans....he's liberal, he's an actor, and he's from Massachusetts.
The last time I saw such perfect DNA for a conservative bashing thespian, Ted Kennedy was rehearsing his lines for the "Alibi Monologues" on July 19, 1969. Fortunately for the understudy of the leading lady that role was wide open.
What political issue concerning us today makes "knowing if dinosaurs existed 4000 years ago" so damn important? What aspect of tax policy does creationism affect? What about foreign policy? Or monetary policy? Or even issues that are of concern to Christian conservatives, like abortion, or "under God" in the pledge?
I think I could begin to try to understand if the statement was "I need to know if she has Parkinson's disease because her finger is going to be near the big red button."
But creationism?
I know it sounds like this post is very hostile and uncaring about the plight of the disabled...I want to assure you that I personally am neither. Indeed, I hope our next vice president makes good on her promise to be a champion for special needs children (any guesses on who I'm supporting for president? Believe me, until August 29th it wasn't a forgone conclusion).
A point is trying to be made here, and I'm just saying that based on that interview it appears Matt Damon can't make one unless he's spiking his hair with Ben Stiller's hair gel.
Hey, I'm not the one who coined There's Something About Barry.
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Gotta follow the two day rule....its money baby
I meant to post something on 9/11 about that day and what it means to me, but life happens....better late than never.
While the purpose of The Looking Spoon is to be satirical and humorous I just want to set that aside for a moment....On September 11, 2001 I finally understood what it really means to be willing to lay down ones life for this country. I always knew this country was the greatest in existence, and that, as John McCain and others like Ronald Reagan have put it, there is an exceptionalism to America others simply cannot boast....
I know "studies show" that when social scientists from Scandinavia formulate their rankings we are never anywhere near the top....their findings are quite conclusive and substantiated by the fact America has an immigration glut (legal and illegal) and other countries don't.
I knew America was a country worth fighting and dying for, but on 9/11....for the first time in my life.....I KNEW it.
I saw the safety of our lives, the opportunities we have, the freedoms...I saw all of it...and I saw how very fragile it all really is in this world...and I saw how easy it was to have it taken away by those who hate us.
While I've admittedly never enlisted in the military, they have something a certain unnamed wing of the American political spectrum wont give them.....my undying, unconditional, never-ending support and admiration for what they do.
I'm proud to know that my position isn't a courageous one, its common and shared with most of this country, thank God.
The people who I think are the most courageous are the ones who declare their support the troops but not the war, or they support the troops by bringing them home. It takes a LOT of courage to publicly declare your stupidity.
Many of them are in entertainment....I would love to tell those people "I support your career, but I wont see your movie, or buy your album." If everyone felt that way their careers would cease to exist, because they wouldn't be worth a damn.
Somehow this exclusive club of high school and college dropouts think the same isn't true with our troops. Its hard to believe since you would think a bunch of hedonistic me-firsters would have something of an idea about struggle and sacrifice for country. (shurgs shoulders)
To be sure, mistakes were made that have dragged the conflict out and probably got us off the right track, especially two years ago. Even as things are getting better the Democratic Party still wants out of the war by 2002 (when they voted "befogainst" it).
There is a bigger picture here...and I know its one that is highly debatable philosophically, about trying to bring a more western value system to the Middle East. We don't know if it will work, but we do know (those of us that live in reality) that doing nothing and returning to the mentality that we had before is just unacceptable.
Its hard to believe that people who describe themselves as progressive fail to be so forward thinking through the prism of the conflict we are in right now with people who are mentally stuck in the Crusades. Every day they fail to see the big picture, a picture that was developed on September 10, 2001, and its grand unveiling came the next day.
I will never forget, and I pray after seven years this country still hasn't as well.
***AUTHOR'S PS***
"Befogainst" is an obtuse reference to John Kerry's famous summation of his position on the Iraq war and how he voted for it before he was against it.
People responsible for celebrity couple nicknames are SO jealous right now...
While the purpose of The Looking Spoon is to be satirical and humorous I just want to set that aside for a moment....On September 11, 2001 I finally understood what it really means to be willing to lay down ones life for this country. I always knew this country was the greatest in existence, and that, as John McCain and others like Ronald Reagan have put it, there is an exceptionalism to America others simply cannot boast....
I know "studies show" that when social scientists from Scandinavia formulate their rankings we are never anywhere near the top....their findings are quite conclusive and substantiated by the fact America has an immigration glut (legal and illegal) and other countries don't.
I knew America was a country worth fighting and dying for, but on 9/11....for the first time in my life.....I KNEW it.
I saw the safety of our lives, the opportunities we have, the freedoms...I saw all of it...and I saw how very fragile it all really is in this world...and I saw how easy it was to have it taken away by those who hate us.
While I've admittedly never enlisted in the military, they have something a certain unnamed wing of the American political spectrum wont give them.....my undying, unconditional, never-ending support and admiration for what they do.
I'm proud to know that my position isn't a courageous one, its common and shared with most of this country, thank God.
The people who I think are the most courageous are the ones who declare their support the troops but not the war, or they support the troops by bringing them home. It takes a LOT of courage to publicly declare your stupidity.
Many of them are in entertainment....I would love to tell those people "I support your career, but I wont see your movie, or buy your album." If everyone felt that way their careers would cease to exist, because they wouldn't be worth a damn.
Somehow this exclusive club of high school and college dropouts think the same isn't true with our troops. Its hard to believe since you would think a bunch of hedonistic me-firsters would have something of an idea about struggle and sacrifice for country. (shurgs shoulders)
To be sure, mistakes were made that have dragged the conflict out and probably got us off the right track, especially two years ago. Even as things are getting better the Democratic Party still wants out of the war by 2002 (when they voted "befogainst" it).
There is a bigger picture here...and I know its one that is highly debatable philosophically, about trying to bring a more western value system to the Middle East. We don't know if it will work, but we do know (those of us that live in reality) that doing nothing and returning to the mentality that we had before is just unacceptable.
Its hard to believe that people who describe themselves as progressive fail to be so forward thinking through the prism of the conflict we are in right now with people who are mentally stuck in the Crusades. Every day they fail to see the big picture, a picture that was developed on September 10, 2001, and its grand unveiling came the next day.
I will never forget, and I pray after seven years this country still hasn't as well.
***AUTHOR'S PS***
"Befogainst" is an obtuse reference to John Kerry's famous summation of his position on the Iraq war and how he voted for it before he was against it.
People responsible for celebrity couple nicknames are SO jealous right now...
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Did the GOP mascot go from Elephant to Kittens?!?
The way they are going on about Obama's lipstick on a pig comment is making the Grand Old Party look like a bunch of Grand Old Pussies (the cats....of course....because they're...being...finicky).
At least they don't have to change the letterhead.
I can understand if McCain wants to combat the "old" thing by projecting an image of youth beyond his years, but maybe he's overdoing it this time. Acting like a baby is just going to backfire on him.
Come on Republicans! Keep your head in the game. Until a week ago you were running third place in a horse race with only two horses. Now you're going fight about lipstick? Not only is this an unwanted distraction that treatens any kind of high road credibility McCain should try to win, but what Obama said is NO BIG DEAL! I mean really....does this look like someone who has a problem with lipstick?
Furthermore, its an old saying people! One McCain used himself when talking about.....
I guess there is a method to the madness. It seems to me that McCain is trying to create a distraction from the real meaning of the lipstick comment, which is Obama was attacking McCain's message of change.
He has to attack it...because McCain has totally (and successfully) co-opted it from Obama. McCain's message IS lipstick on a pig, and the pig goes by the name "Change."
When Change was staying with the Obama's it was all muddy from wallowing in....mud...and by mud I mean Obama's rhetoric. So you couldn't really make out what it was supposed to be. We know it wouldn't have been good! How good would you want to be to others if you were covered in mud all the time?
But Palin, with her moose hunting skills managed to capture the pig, clean it up, and then McCain slapped some Cover Girl on its lips.
And now they lead in the polls!
In layman terms, McCain has a record of not necessarily towing the party line from time to time, signaling a change in the Presidential politics of George W. Bush, where the W stands for "wubber stamp" for Wepublican - ahem - Republican policies (whether this will be a good thing remains to be seen).
To actually punctuate this message his Vice Presidential pick is a woman who not only has a better everyman (oh no now I'M sexist) story than Obama does, but she has an actual RECORD of change.....the concept, not the pig.
Contrast this with Obama's BROKEN record of change, in that his actual speech about change...hasn't. To be fair, it remains slightly less stagnant than the policies he proposes, or any of his efforts to get something done as a legislator.
TANGENT TIME
Rhetoric from a Democratic politician about higher taxes, semi-appeasement of our enemies, and more government programs for people who don't pay for them is NOT change. The only thing that has changed is how melodic it sounds behind a teleprompter.
END TANGENT TIME
Incidentally, Change (the pig, if you're not keeping score) did make a record once, it just collects dust in bargain bin's of boutique record stores. Its just a series of speeches on politics designed to make you feel good. I'd love to tell you what was said, but I can't really remember any specifics.
He called it "O'Change" in the hopes that it can be filed away alphabetically and one day collect dust next to recordings of Obama's speeches.
At least they don't have to change the letterhead.
I can understand if McCain wants to combat the "old" thing by projecting an image of youth beyond his years, but maybe he's overdoing it this time. Acting like a baby is just going to backfire on him.
Come on Republicans! Keep your head in the game. Until a week ago you were running third place in a horse race with only two horses. Now you're going fight about lipstick? Not only is this an unwanted distraction that treatens any kind of high road credibility McCain should try to win, but what Obama said is NO BIG DEAL! I mean really....does this look like someone who has a problem with lipstick?
Furthermore, its an old saying people! One McCain used himself when talking about.....
I guess there is a method to the madness. It seems to me that McCain is trying to create a distraction from the real meaning of the lipstick comment, which is Obama was attacking McCain's message of change.
He has to attack it...because McCain has totally (and successfully) co-opted it from Obama. McCain's message IS lipstick on a pig, and the pig goes by the name "Change."
When Change was staying with the Obama's it was all muddy from wallowing in....mud...and by mud I mean Obama's rhetoric. So you couldn't really make out what it was supposed to be. We know it wouldn't have been good! How good would you want to be to others if you were covered in mud all the time?
But Palin, with her moose hunting skills managed to capture the pig, clean it up, and then McCain slapped some Cover Girl on its lips.
And now they lead in the polls!
In layman terms, McCain has a record of not necessarily towing the party line from time to time, signaling a change in the Presidential politics of George W. Bush, where the W stands for "wubber stamp" for Wepublican - ahem - Republican policies (whether this will be a good thing remains to be seen).
To actually punctuate this message his Vice Presidential pick is a woman who not only has a better everyman (oh no now I'M sexist) story than Obama does, but she has an actual RECORD of change.....the concept, not the pig.
Contrast this with Obama's BROKEN record of change, in that his actual speech about change...hasn't. To be fair, it remains slightly less stagnant than the policies he proposes, or any of his efforts to get something done as a legislator.
TANGENT TIME
Rhetoric from a Democratic politician about higher taxes, semi-appeasement of our enemies, and more government programs for people who don't pay for them is NOT change. The only thing that has changed is how melodic it sounds behind a teleprompter.
END TANGENT TIME
Incidentally, Change (the pig, if you're not keeping score) did make a record once, it just collects dust in bargain bin's of boutique record stores. Its just a series of speeches on politics designed to make you feel good. I'd love to tell you what was said, but I can't really remember any specifics.
He called it "O'Change" in the hopes that it can be filed away alphabetically and one day collect dust next to recordings of Obama's speeches.
Saturday, August 30, 2008
mmmmm......VEEP Steaks...yum!
Man oh man this month put the veep into "veeple like their vice presidents"!
If you know what that means let me know....'cuz then there will be two of us.
As far as I know identity politics have never played a greater role in any election. John McCain's selection of Sarah Palin is an obvious attempt to balance out and steal from the "ground breaker" thunder that Barack Obama has claimed since he became a serious contender.
TANGENT TIME:
"They said this day would never come"
-Barack Obama, after winning Iowa primary
Obama failed to mention that "They" is some dude with a pronoun for a name, who is the president, vice president, treasurer, secretary, and indeed only member of the Des Moines KKK. Obama's victory proved him wrong.
Obama's failure to mention this makes for an insinuation that America was saying a black man could never be president. That makes the statement doubly wrong.
On the other hand I am making all of this nonsense up, which makes the statement Tripoli wrong.
END TANGENT TIME
After my shock that McCain passed up the MAN who was probably his first choice, Governor Pawlenty of Minnesota...and after hearing Palin's story...I realized what McCain is doing.....
The only thing he can to win this election....beat the perception that he is GWB part 3.
McCain's maverick status is one of the key ingredients to a "Republican fresh start bisque", but this clearly isn't enough, because it still tastes a bit bland and stale......well, what would you expect.....its been sitting on the shelf for 72 years.
So he picks a maverick in her own right in Palin, whose background and family history resembles the humility of Bill Clinton more than the privilege of the Bush family. This coupled with her likeablility make her like a chocolate covering that provides the only reason for ever eating a grasshopper....to turn something disgusting into an exotic delicacy.
That is what McCain is trying to push...without actually saying it...a fresh start. However, McCain simply McCan't spell that out because that would be an admission that the Republican Party has been a failure over the last 4 years and it (cough) is true (cough) wont be good for the PR fight with Obama.
So now the race is on to prove who is the "fresher" start. You have sort of a ying yang situation going on:
Democrats: Top of the ticket is fresh, bottom is stale Washington
Republicans: Vice versa (I didn't want to take the above text and reverse it for the sake of saving time which is ironic since typing up this explanation is taking longer than if I just copied the above text, pasted it, and then reversed the order....maybe I really am a liberal since I seem to be good at making simple things so difficult....YAY! I'm nuanced!)
So the trick for the Democrats is this: Make sure both sides of the ticket represent a fresh start....here's how:
Joe Biden, MD...no he is not a medical doctor, but the MD details his medical condition known as MOUTH DIARRHEA.
Whenever he stops talking Democrats can triumphantly announce that Biden has provided a "fresh start" on finally getting something done.
Joe Biden's motormouth not only makes the Obama-Biden ticket a fresher start it helps Obama redeem himself with regard to the question "when does life begin?" Which he fumbled so very badly with Rick Warren at Saddleback Church, but now with Biden by his side Obama now has a legitimate answer:
"I don't know....(puts one arm around Biden while the other duct tapes his mouth shut) but I can tell you when it begins again."
If you know what that means let me know....'cuz then there will be two of us.
As far as I know identity politics have never played a greater role in any election. John McCain's selection of Sarah Palin is an obvious attempt to balance out and steal from the "ground breaker" thunder that Barack Obama has claimed since he became a serious contender.
TANGENT TIME:
"They said this day would never come"
-Barack Obama, after winning Iowa primary
Obama failed to mention that "They" is some dude with a pronoun for a name, who is the president, vice president, treasurer, secretary, and indeed only member of the Des Moines KKK. Obama's victory proved him wrong.
Obama's failure to mention this makes for an insinuation that America was saying a black man could never be president. That makes the statement doubly wrong.
On the other hand I am making all of this nonsense up, which makes the statement Tripoli wrong.
END TANGENT TIME
After my shock that McCain passed up the MAN who was probably his first choice, Governor Pawlenty of Minnesota...and after hearing Palin's story...I realized what McCain is doing.....
The only thing he can to win this election....beat the perception that he is GWB part 3.
McCain's maverick status is one of the key ingredients to a "Republican fresh start bisque", but this clearly isn't enough, because it still tastes a bit bland and stale......well, what would you expect.....its been sitting on the shelf for 72 years.
So he picks a maverick in her own right in Palin, whose background and family history resembles the humility of Bill Clinton more than the privilege of the Bush family. This coupled with her likeablility make her like a chocolate covering that provides the only reason for ever eating a grasshopper....to turn something disgusting into an exotic delicacy.
That is what McCain is trying to push...without actually saying it...a fresh start. However, McCain simply McCan't spell that out because that would be an admission that the Republican Party has been a failure over the last 4 years and it (cough) is true (cough)
So now the race is on to prove who is the "fresher" start. You have sort of a ying yang situation going on:
Democrats: Top of the ticket is fresh, bottom is stale Washington
Republicans: Vice versa (I didn't want to take the above text and reverse it for the sake of saving time which is ironic since typing up this explanation is taking longer than if I just copied the above text, pasted it, and then reversed the order....maybe I really am a liberal since I seem to be good at making simple things so difficult....YAY! I'm nuanced!)
So the trick for the Democrats is this: Make sure both sides of the ticket represent a fresh start....here's how:
Joe Biden, MD...no he is not a medical doctor, but the MD details his medical condition known as MOUTH DIARRHEA.
Whenever he stops talking Democrats can triumphantly announce that Biden has provided a "fresh start" on finally getting something done.
Joe Biden's motormouth not only makes the Obama-Biden ticket a fresher start it helps Obama redeem himself with regard to the question "when does life begin?" Which he fumbled so very badly with Rick Warren at Saddleback Church, but now with Biden by his side Obama now has a legitimate answer:
"I don't know....(puts one arm around Biden while the other duct tapes his mouth shut) but I can tell you when it begins again."
Friday, August 22, 2008
My response to someone who told me Jimmy Carter was.....uh....the....um.....greatest leader of our time.
OHHHH! Thats why Carter lost his bid for reelection in a LANDSLIDE.
Because he was the greatest leader of our time.
I had no idea election day in 1980 was National Opposite Day in America!
Because he was the greatest leader of our time.
I had no idea election day in 1980 was National Opposite Day in America!
Thursday, August 21, 2008
For VP Obama will pick......his nose?
Who knows...whatever comes out of that would be just as qualified as he is to assume office.
I've been saying this to my people for a while, but on the (probable) eve of the Obama's announcement for VP I want to throw out there that it will be Senator Evan Bayh of Indiana.
Gov. Tom Kaine of Virginia is the second guess....but I think Bayh would be better for Obama's sake (not that I care about that).
My hope is that he picks a weirdo like Joe Biden...one can only hope though.
What does this have to do with the price of a gold medal in China? (I know I know...the Chinese EARNED them...I'm sure bribing gymnastic and diving judges is a lot harder work than it seems)
Nothing...but its fun to see if I'll be right.
***AUTHOR'S PS***
Ok ok...so I was wrong....but I got my wish in Biden.....bad move B.O.!
I've been saying this to my people for a while, but on the (probable) eve of the Obama's announcement for VP I want to throw out there that it will be Senator Evan Bayh of Indiana.
Gov. Tom Kaine of Virginia is the second guess....but I think Bayh would be better for Obama's sake (not that I care about that).
My hope is that he picks a weirdo like Joe Biden...one can only hope though.
What does this have to do with the price of a gold medal in China? (I know I know...the Chinese EARNED them...I'm sure bribing gymnastic and diving judges is a lot harder work than it seems)
Nothing...but its fun to see if I'll be right.
***AUTHOR'S PS***
Ok ok...so I was wrong....but I got my wish in Biden.....bad move B.O.!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)