I know, I know...Randi Rhodes was SO last year

Oh man this is so old, but I just uncovered it and I have to comment...

Randi Rhodes, aka Ann Coulter if she was liberal, unfunny, and pretty much clinically brain dead, in 2007 was erroneously claimed to have been injured while being mugged in NYC.

Below is an account of her injuries:



Rumors are circulating that this picture is not real, but Photoshoped....people close to Rhodes say the brain has been color corrected and the smile was "warped to look "fresher" and "prettier" than normal.

While this report was apparently not of her doing Air America wasted no time in rationally explaining what happened:

Fellow host Jon Elliott said on the liberal network that Rhodes was attacked at 39th St. and Park Ave. on Sunday night while walking her dog, Simon.

Elliott, who said Rhodes lost several teeth in the attack, waxed about a possible conspiracy.

"Is this an attempt by the right-wing hate machine to silence one of our own?" he asked on the air, according to the Talking Radio blog. "Are we threatening them?"

A police source said Rhodes never filed a report and never claimed to be the victim of a mugging.

Conservatives are not threatened by Randi Rhodes....or anyone at Air America, when the network launched a few years ago conservative talk radio welcomed it. They also knew it would fail, and it has...and its because of second string intellectual bench warmers like Jon Elliot and talk radio second bananas like Rhodes saying garbage like:

"This President is never gonna do the right thing. I think somewhere deep down inside him he takes a lot of joy about losing people, if he thinks they vote Democrat or if he thinks they're poor, or if he thinks they're in a blue state, whatever his reasons are not to rescue those people."

"Of course he (McCain) became very friendly with the Vietnamese. They called him the Prince. He was well treated actually."

"A spoiled child (Bush) is telling us our Social Security isn't safe anymore, so he is going to fix it for us. Well, here's your answer, you ungrateful whelp: [audio sound of 4 gunshots being fired.] Just try it, you little b*stard. [audio of gun being cocked]."

Oh, here is my favorite...

"Geraldine Ferraro turned out to be David Duke in drag ... What a whore Geraldine Ferraro is! She's such a fucking whore! I wanna see her have to stand beside her husband at one of those mandatory 'I have sinned against you; I'm a whore' kind of a press conference. Mr. Ferraro should have to stand next to his whore of a wife ... Hillary is a big fucking whore, too. You know why she's a big fucking whore? Because her deal is always, 'Read the fine print, asshole!'" (sic......and sick)

The last time I saw mouth diarrhea like that Linda Blair was the spokesmodel for Pepto Bismol: The Green Edition on the set of the Exorcist.

This is why I wanted to write about this, its a pattern of behavior with Rhodes personally and Air America as a whole, they just say anything....ANYTHING. They are the voice of liberalism, or the progressive movement (what the progress is supposed to be remains debateable) in America, and I've heard more adult conversation come out of a junior high school locker room.

Many don't know about Randi Rhodes, partly because nobody listens to her show, mostly because nobody WANTS to listen to her show. I originally stumbled upon her show years ago in an effort to "open" my mind....which is half of the battle to listening to liberal talk radio.

Nothing has solidified my convictions more than liberal talk radio (after posting the above quotes in bold I'm sorry to be hyperbolic in attributing the word "talk" to liberal radio, but its for a lack of a better term).

I've heard liberals like Montel Williams say the same thing about how conservative shows (in William's case he was talking about The O'Reilly Factor....judges.....we'll accept that answer) make them better understand their opinions...which is a flat out lie.

If it were true they would become conservatives.

It took four years...but now I know that Trey Parker and Matt Stone are big Matt Damon softies

I need to know if she (Sarah Palin) really thinks dinosaurs were here 4000 years ago. That's an important — I want to know that, I really do, because she's going to have the nuclear codes. You know, I want to know if she thinks dinosaurs were here 4000 years ago... we can't, we can't have that.

I always thought the South Park guys were being SO MEAN when the only words that came out of Matt Damon's character in the movie "Team America" was his name in the "accent"....if you will....of a mentally retarded person.

I fully realize that such a statement will totally offend people who are, or know somebody who is, mentally retarded....and they should be offended....I just compared them to Matt Damon.

I apologize.

Now I realize they were trying to make him look smarter than he really is. Its almost as if that movie were a crystal ball, and "Team America" is the mainstream media and Matt Damon is Barack Obama. They were (sniff) protecting him.

Before I get further into why Matt Damon deserved an Oscar for what I now consider to be the performance of a lifetime in "Good Will Hunting." I want to say that it is no shock that he has objections to Republicans....he's liberal, he's an actor, and he's from Massachusetts.

The last time I saw such perfect DNA for a conservative bashing thespian, Ted Kennedy was rehearsing his lines for the "Alibi Monologues" on July 19, 1969. Fortunately for the understudy of the leading lady that role was wide open.

What political issue concerning us today makes "knowing if dinosaurs existed 4000 years ago" so damn important? What aspect of tax policy does creationism affect? What about foreign policy? Or monetary policy? Or even issues that are of concern to Christian conservatives, like abortion, or "under God" in the pledge?

I think I could begin to try to understand if the statement was "I need to know if she has Parkinson's disease because her finger is going to be near the big red button."

But creationism?

I know it sounds like this post is very hostile and uncaring about the plight of the disabled...I want to assure you that I personally am neither. Indeed, I hope our next vice president makes good on her promise to be a champion for special needs children (any guesses on who I'm supporting for president? Believe me, until August 29th it wasn't a forgone conclusion).

A point is trying to be made here, and I'm just saying that based on that interview it appears Matt Damon can't make one unless he's spiking his hair with Ben Stiller's hair gel.

Hey, I'm not the one who coined There's Something About Barry.

Gotta follow the two day rule....its money baby

I meant to post something on 9/11 about that day and what it means to me, but life happens....better late than never.

While the purpose of The Looking Spoon is to be satirical and humorous I just want to set that aside for a moment....On September 11, 2001 I finally understood what it really means to be willing to lay down ones life for this country. I always knew this country was the greatest in existence, and that, as John McCain and others like Ronald Reagan have put it, there is an exceptionalism to America others simply cannot boast....

I know "studies show" that when social scientists from Scandinavia formulate their rankings we are never anywhere near the top....their findings are quite conclusive and substantiated by the fact America has an immigration glut (legal and illegal) and other countries don't.

I knew America was a country worth fighting and dying for, but on 9/11....for the first time in my life.....I KNEW it.

I saw the safety of our lives, the opportunities we have, the freedoms...I saw all of it...and I saw how very fragile it all really is in this world...and I saw how easy it was to have it taken away by those who hate us.

While I've admittedly never enlisted in the military, they have something a certain unnamed wing of the American political spectrum wont give them.....my undying, unconditional, never-ending support and admiration for what they do.

I'm proud to know that my position isn't a courageous one, its common and shared with most of this country, thank God.

The people who I think are the most courageous are the ones who declare their support the troops but not the war, or they support the troops by bringing them home. It takes a LOT of courage to publicly declare your stupidity.

Many of them are in entertainment....I would love to tell those people "I support your career, but I wont see your movie, or buy your album." If everyone felt that way their careers would cease to exist, because they wouldn't be worth a damn.

Somehow this exclusive club of high school and college dropouts think the same isn't true with our troops. Its hard to believe since you would think a bunch of hedonistic me-firsters would have something of an idea about struggle and sacrifice for country. (shurgs shoulders)

To be sure, mistakes were made that have dragged the conflict out and probably got us off the right track, especially two years ago. Even as things are getting better the Democratic Party still wants out of the war by 2002 (when they voted "befogainst" it).

There is a bigger picture here...and I know its one that is highly debatable philosophically, about trying to bring a more western value system to the Middle East. We don't know if it will work, but we do know (those of us that live in reality) that doing nothing and returning to the mentality that we had before is just unacceptable.

Its hard to believe that people who describe themselves as progressive fail to be so forward thinking through the prism of the conflict we are in right now with people who are mentally stuck in the Crusades. Every day they fail to see the big picture, a picture that was developed on September 10, 2001, and its grand unveiling came the next day.

I will never forget, and I pray after seven years this country still hasn't as well.

***AUTHOR'S PS***

"Befogainst" is an obtuse reference to John Kerry's famous summation of his position on the Iraq war and how he voted for it before he was against it.

People responsible for celebrity couple nicknames are SO jealous right now...

Did the GOP mascot go from Elephant to Kittens?!?

The way they are going on about Obama's lipstick on a pig comment is making the Grand Old Party look like a bunch of Grand Old Pussies (the cats....of course....because they're...being...finicky).

At least they don't have to change the letterhead.

I can understand if McCain wants to combat the "old" thing by projecting an image of youth beyond his years, but maybe he's overdoing it this time. Acting like a baby is just going to backfire on him.

Come on Republicans! Keep your head in the game. Until a week ago you were running third place in a horse race with only two horses. Now you're going fight about lipstick? Not only is this an unwanted distraction that treatens any kind of high road credibility McCain should try to win, but what Obama said is NO BIG DEAL! I mean really....does this look like someone who has a problem with lipstick?





Furthermore, its an old saying people! One McCain used himself when talking about.....



I guess there is a method to the madness. It seems to me that McCain is trying to create a distraction from the real meaning of the lipstick comment, which is Obama was attacking McCain's message of change.

He has to attack it...because McCain has totally (and successfully) co-opted it from Obama. McCain's message IS lipstick on a pig, and the pig goes by the name "Change."

When Change was staying with the Obama's it was all muddy from wallowing in....mud...and by mud I mean Obama's rhetoric. So you couldn't really make out what it was supposed to be. We know it wouldn't have been good! How good would you want to be to others if you were covered in mud all the time?

But Palin, with her moose hunting skills managed to capture the pig, clean it up, and then McCain slapped some Cover Girl on its lips.

And now they lead in the polls!

In layman terms, McCain has a record of not necessarily towing the party line from time to time, signaling a change in the Presidential politics of George W. Bush, where the W stands for "wubber stamp" for Wepublican - ahem - Republican policies (whether this will be a good thing remains to be seen).

To actually punctuate this message his Vice Presidential pick is a woman who not only has a better everyman (oh no now I'M sexist) story than Obama does, but she has an actual RECORD of change.....the concept, not the pig.

Contrast this with Obama's BROKEN record of change, in that his actual speech about change...hasn't. To be fair, it remains slightly less stagnant than the policies he proposes, or any of his efforts to get something done as a legislator.

TANGENT TIME

Rhetoric from a Democratic politician about higher taxes, semi-appeasement of our enemies, and more government programs for people who don't pay for them is NOT change. The only thing that has changed is how melodic it sounds behind a teleprompter.

END TANGENT TIME

Incidentally, Change (the pig, if you're not keeping score) did make a record once, it just collects dust in bargain bin's of boutique record stores. Its just a series of speeches on politics designed to make you feel good. I'd love to tell you what was said, but I can't really remember any specifics.

He called it "O'Change" in the hopes that it can be filed away alphabetically and one day collect dust next to recordings of Obama's speeches.

mmmmm......VEEP Steaks...yum!

Man oh man this month put the veep into "veeple like their vice presidents"!

If you know what that means let me know....'cuz then there will be two of us.

As far as I know identity politics have never played a greater role in any election. John McCain's selection of Sarah Palin is an obvious attempt to balance out and steal from the "ground breaker" thunder that Barack Obama has claimed since he became a serious contender.

TANGENT TIME:

"They said this day would never come"
-Barack Obama, after winning Iowa primary

Obama failed to mention that "They" is some dude with a pronoun for a name, who is the president, vice president, treasurer, secretary, and indeed only member of the Des Moines KKK. Obama's victory proved him wrong.

Obama's failure to mention this makes for an insinuation that America was saying a black man could never be president. That makes the statement doubly wrong.

On the other hand I am making all of this nonsense up, which makes the statement Tripoli wrong.

END TANGENT TIME

After my shock that McCain passed up the MAN who was probably his first choice, Governor Pawlenty of Minnesota...and after hearing Palin's story...I realized what McCain is doing.....

The only thing he can to win this election....beat the perception that he is GWB part 3.

McCain's maverick status is one of the key ingredients to a "Republican fresh start bisque", but this clearly isn't enough, because it still tastes a bit bland and stale......well, what would you expect.....its been sitting on the shelf for 72 years.

So he picks a maverick in her own right in Palin, whose background and family history resembles the humility of Bill Clinton more than the privilege of the Bush family. This coupled with her likeablility make her like a chocolate covering that provides the only reason for ever eating a grasshopper....to turn something disgusting into an exotic delicacy.

That is what McCain is trying to push...without actually saying it...a fresh start. However, McCain simply McCan't spell that out because that would be an admission that the Republican Party has been a failure over the last 4 years and it (cough) is true (cough) wont be good for the PR fight with Obama.

So now the race is on to prove who is the "fresher" start. You have sort of a ying yang situation going on:

Democrats: Top of the ticket is fresh, bottom is stale Washington

Republicans: Vice versa (I didn't want to take the above text and reverse it for the sake of saving time which is ironic since typing up this explanation is taking longer than if I just copied the above text, pasted it, and then reversed the order....maybe I really am a liberal since I seem to be good at making simple things so difficult....YAY! I'm nuanced!)

So the trick for the Democrats is this: Make sure both sides of the ticket represent a fresh start....here's how:

Joe Biden, MD...no he is not a medical doctor, but the MD details his medical condition known as MOUTH DIARRHEA.

Whenever he stops talking Democrats can triumphantly announce that Biden has provided a "fresh start" on finally getting something done.

Joe Biden's motormouth not only makes the Obama-Biden ticket a fresher start it helps Obama redeem himself with regard to the question "when does life begin?" Which he fumbled so very badly with Rick Warren at Saddleback Church, but now with Biden by his side Obama now has a legitimate answer:

"I don't know....(puts one arm around Biden while the other duct tapes his mouth shut) but I can tell you when it begins again."

My response to someone who told me Jimmy Carter was.....uh....the....um.....greatest leader of our time.

OHHHH! Thats why Carter lost his bid for reelection in a LANDSLIDE.

Because he was the greatest leader of our time.

I had no idea election day in 1980 was National Opposite Day in America!

For VP Obama will pick......his nose?

Who knows...whatever comes out of that would be just as qualified as he is to assume office.

I've been saying this to my people for a while, but on the (probable) eve of the Obama's announcement for VP I want to throw out there that it will be Senator Evan Bayh of Indiana.

Gov. Tom Kaine of Virginia is the second guess....but I think Bayh would be better for Obama's sake (not that I care about that).

My hope is that he picks a weirdo like Joe Biden...one can only hope though.

What does this have to do with the price of a gold medal in China? (I know I know...the Chinese EARNED them...I'm sure bribing gymnastic and diving judges is a lot harder work than it seems)

Nothing...but its fun to see if I'll be right.


***AUTHOR'S PS***

Ok ok...so I was wrong....but I got my wish in Biden.....bad move B.O.!