Whats the difference between Global Warming and the Holcaust?

Well, if you tell Al Gore that he has to pick the one that definitely doesn't exist....then Mel Gibson's father is going to have a new best friend.

Global Warming has become the greatest modern religious movement since John Lennon's ghost piloted the Hale Bopp comet to salvation for the suicidal Heaven's Gate cult.....and to steal a line from the caller I heard on Dennis Miller's radio show, Al Gore has become the church of GW's Eco-Pope.

On a side note, I know the whole John Lennon/Hale Bopp/Heaven's Gate connection doesn't any make sense...thats why I juxtaposed it with Global Warming.

(On another side note, I supposed they are in fact connected inasmuch as the Heaven's Gate cult were a bunch of space cadets....and John Lennon was the Space Cadet Commander in the political activist period of his life...there, they're connected...happy now?)

I realize there is a lot of visual evidence that something is happening. However there is also way too much hyperventilating about the "alarming" rate at which the worldwide temperature is rising. Researchers, armed with only a century's worth of meteorological data about the world's climate and the topography of the earths ice have, as Pope Gore famously declared, "closed the debate" on the subject.

Think about that, for centuries, indeed, millenia of human history we only have a decent grasp on global meteorology from the last century...and that is a very generous assessment.

But the debate is closed, and Pope Gore is going to lead us to the fluorescent light at the end of the glacially eroded tunnel. How is he going to do it? He's going to lead by example!

In the last year his electricity usage amounted to 221,000 kilowatt-hours. His monthly average is 17,768 kilowatt-hours. This staggering number is up 10% from his usage last year.

Meanwhile the average American home consumes 11,040 kilowatt hours.....PER YEAR.

The Catholic Church has been in a frenzy since this revelation, as they thought they held a monopoly in the religious hypocrisy market.

I think this speaks for itself when it comes to addressing the real motivations for this 21st Century Crusade. Furthermore, the only group Gore actually ingratiates himself with, frankly, is Hollywood. Until now it seemed impossible that a bunch of wasteful, selfish, self-centered, narcissistic attention whores could actually find a leader. Sorry to say in a year of barrier breaking Barack Obama has been outdone.

As of today I hope Gore takes his private jet to Aspen in the next day or two so he can enjoy a good round of snow skiing...yes snow...as Aspen enjoys its second longest ski season on record.

Gore has already won two of the most prestigious awards attainable to society's cadre of self-congratulators. The Nobel Peace Prize, and an Academy Award.

I'm setting up a new award just for Gore's efforts....I've been inspired....its called:

Luminaries in the Initiative for Arctic Restoration

I know that seems kind of long...so I'm going to shorten it to its acronym:

LIAR

A Preview of What Will Come if Obama Loses

With both major Democratic candidates being minorities of some sort this year it was inevitable whoever loses would be afflicted with Ism-itis.

Hillary lost, and it was sexism according to Katie Couric, news anchor for last place CBS News...so nobody actually heard her say it.

Sexism....It had nothing to do with the fact that she was the $400 iPhone on the Edge, and Barack Obama is the iPhone 3G. They're both basically the same thing...but Obama was a little shinier and newer.

Now that Hillary can't be our leader it is now clear that she is going back to being what she really does best...being Victim-In-Chief. I didn't know that it wasn't Obama's charisma, or the fact that he actually had an election strategy in the primaries that gave him victory. He won because he had a penis!

From the second Bill Clinton left office the party was licking its chops to make her George W. Bush's successor.....SEXISM?!?

What sexism?!?! The kind of sexism that radiated from public opinion polls showing for the last 8 years that she would be the next president? There was literally only one person that could derail her....and nobody even believed he could do it until about....5 minutes ago.

Hillary has spent too much time absorbing the attitude of free entitlement that politicians have been doling out to voters since Halloween replaced Independence Day as the official holiday of the Republican and Democratic parties that she just expected that it was her turn. "Election" hasn't been in her vocabulary since no longer needed it after the verbal portion of her SAT exam.

"Sexism", however, must have been tattooed to her and Katie Couric's cornea, because apparently thats all they see.

Barack Obama won because of an American ideal that has assured our success for more than two centuries. Hard work. The one thing Hillary didn't start doing until she realized that it actually worked better than the Eva Peron strategy.

I realize in saying this that Argentinian president Cristina Ferdinand de Kirchner has no clue what I'm talking about....lucky for her.

Kerry on with the Hypocrisy

On the Today show Matt Lauer asked John McCain a question in regards to the surge working and the ability to estimate when troops can be brought home. McCain's response.

"That's not too important. What's important is the casualties in Iraq."

He then went on to talk about the importance of keeping those casualties low and how we have troops stationed in all corners of the world, particularly in countries the US has been at war with in the past.

After the interview the winner of Miss Congeniality of 2004, John Kerry, said McCain is "unbelievably out of touch, and inconsistent with the needs and concerns of Americans and particularly the families of the troops who are over there. "

Kerry's anti-war rhetoric upon his return to Vietnam was used by many to undermine the troops over there that were not fortunate enough to join him. So he knows exactly what he is talking about.

Incidentally, so does John McCain....

Affirmative Action Doesn't Need to Be Limited to the Present

A statement from Spike Lee at the Cannes Film Festival criticizing Clint Eastwood:

“Clint Eastwood made two films about Iwo Jima that ran for more than four hours total, and there was not one Negro actor on the screen."

Eastwood's excuse was that a black man didn't help raise the flag at Iwo Jima, which what Flags of Our Fathers was about. He couldn't come up with a legitimate excuse to the indefensible offense of not providing a balance of blacks in Letters from Iwo Jima, which was a portrayal of the Japanese Army in WWII.

When I heard about Eastwood's oversight I was as steamed as white rice (which is a very racist dish if you ask me..and nobody did ask me, but I said it anyway because Spike Lee is my new idol) because it reminded me of other instances of racism in movies that depict historical events.

For example, Roots did not provide ANY racial balance whatsoever in its depiction of slavery. All of the slaves in the movie were black. This not only gives the impression that slaves in early American history were black, but it screwed asians, latinos, and whites out of the opportunity to be cast for those roles in the movie.

All I have to say is if there is going to ever be a bio-pic on Barack Obama...Jackie Chan, Conan O'Brien, and Bea Arthur better damn well have a shot at an audition for it.

Arise Sketchbook!!!

Hooray for updates!

The links on sketchbook at www.thelookingspoon.com are live. In a few minutes the contact page will be ready too.

I have several of my webcomics drawn, and they're not ready to launch yet...but I've got 2/3 of the site going! So check it out.

An Honor Reserved For Only the Most Devoted of Parents

The Bellagio's Club Prive wants to honor Kevin Federline with the father of the year award. An incredulous Alec Baldwin is demanding a recount of the vote.

I understand that a major sponsor of the award is the organization known as Dads of Ill-Conceived Kids (DICK)

Ann Coulter: Wrong Again

In her "I'm not conceding" concession speech Hillary said she viewed every vote cast for her as a prayer for America.

See Ann? Liberals aren't godless after all!

Bad Things Come In Threes

1. 90 year old Senator Robert Byrd (D–WV) has been hospitalized reporting feelings of lethargy and sluggishness. After a battery of tests doctors determined that he has been afflicted with “old southerner.”

2. Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal (R-One guess on the state) is apparently on John McCain’s shortlist for his vice presidential running mate (if this was a respectable news blog I would say “allegedly, but “respect” was the word I got wrong in my 4th grade spelling bee, but I digress). Having been a congressman for 3 years and governor for just under 5 months he totally meets the Republican threshold for experience necessary to take the second highest elected office in the land. A few more months and he’ll be as qualified as George W. Bush to be president. On that note...to be fair, he currently is more qualified than Barack Obama

Democrats don’t usually do what the Republicans have been doing lately: picking candidates with short careers and a shorter list of accomplishments. They usually pick candidates with long careers and virtually no accomplishments.

I understand McCain’s thinking, locking in the monolithic Hindu-American vote with Jindal will help offset the black vote going to Obama.

With age comes wisdom ;-D

3. Apparently the media has been hiding the fact that Barack Obama is not just a smoker…but a chain smoker! I think what we should really worry about is whether or not he sends chain emails (I swear if I get one more email asking me to simultaneously scroll down and make wishes so that I may find true love I’m moving to Canada)

That he smokes doesn't bother me, knowing the magic that maintains the baritone in his voice does. I thought the Democrats finally had a guy that sounded like…well…a guy…..naturally. Sigh, I’ve lost all hope.

Hey! Bill Clinton should have been a smoker! It would have blunted how he sounds like a boy with a larynx busted in a helium sucking accident.

Stirring Up Trouble

Ok not really....but I wanted something really clever for the title of my inaugural blog post, but I couldn't think of anything so you get "STIRRING UP TROUBLE"

Yeah!

Ok, now for the statement of purpose:

More than 2 years ago I conceived of The Looking Spoon as an "online pop-up book." Basically it was a collection of interactive flash illustrations, almost all editorial/political in nature, and the interactions with the illustrations would help make or support the point they were making.

This site has been torn down, because I found it to be too well-rounded of a site…..in other words it didn’t have a point to it.

It occurred to me that I could and should really do more with it. So from some of my ideas spawned the idea to create a webcomic based on some of the little characters I was creating. I've loved comics since I was a kid, so the idea really appealed to me. From this came the notion that the webcomic would be the primary force of the new The Looking Spoon and my illustrations will be feature in a section called "Sketchbook."

In fact, the new The Looking Spoon is going to attempt to become more of a destination for humor, satire, and commentary than the mere gallery of art it started out as. SPLOG is part of this, and more will come as the site gets up and running.

Here at SPLOG I'll write about everything, from current events, to random thoughts, to news about The Looking Spoon.

As of this writing www.thelookingspoon.com is not 100% functional...but all are welcome to check it out anyway.

Future posts should be funnier, or wittier, or satirical-ier. Well, I can at the very least guarantee that they will ATTEMPT to be.

:-D